


Do you want a hug?

by Phoenix1018



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blink and you miss it muffy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Help, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Its not that dark i promise, M/M, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, TJ is touched starved, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2019-10-26 02:04:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix1018/pseuds/Phoenix1018
Summary: TJ was really fine with not getting a lot of physical contact. It didn't bother him. He could handle it.Until he met Cyrus Goodman.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a disaster, but I just had an idea at one in the morning like "hey what if TJ was touch starved?" And then this happened.
> 
> I wanted to have the Kippen twins feature in this, but for the plot it wouldnt make sense if Amber and TJ were twins, as much as I want to make them. You'll see. 
> 
> Enjoy!

TJ didn't have a lot of experience with physical contact growing up.  
  
His parents had always been too busy working (or yelling at him until he was reduced to tears) to give him much physical contact, and he had no siblings to get hugs from. His relatives rarely visited, and they rarely stuck around when they did. So he didn't get a lot of touch from his family.  
  
And that...  
  
Well, he was lying if he didn't say it hurt a little bit. But he was used to it, and most of the time it wouldn't bother him.  
  
But then he would see people around school getting casual hugs and claps on the shoulder from friends, and he _wanted_. He would feel an unpleasant feeling deep in his stomach, a growling feeling that was somewhere between a longing and an intense hunger, and his skin would crawl, and he would _want._ He wanted the safe, secure feeling of arms around his waist and a head buried into his shoulder, and he had absolutely no one to give it to him.  
  
He had tried giving Reed a hug once, but Reed had quickly shaken him off, saying that "that shit's embarrassing, dude. Chill a little bit." So he had just accepted that people didn't like it when he touched them.  
  
It was fine. He could deal with it.  
  
So what if he couldn't sleep at night without a weighted blanket draped around him? So what if casual shoulder pats and high fives from his teammates made him go dizzy? So what if his heart felt like it was going to tear in half when he saw people hugging eachother at school?  
  
It was fine. He was fine.  
  
Until he met Cyrus Goodman.  
  
***  
  
"You'll get my friend Cyrus here a chocolate chocolate-chip muffin. Then we have a deal."  
  
Buffy pulled a shocked looking boy towards her, and the first thought that went through TJ's head was  _holy shit this kid is absolutely adorable._  
  
The boy, Cyrus, had black hair brushed carefully in front of his forehead and dark brown eyes, which were full of fear. The fear seemed to be directed at TJ, which made his stomach squirm guiltily for making the gentle-looking boy feel scared.

 _Pull yourself together, TJ,_  he mentally chided himself. Cyrus was not cute. Boys were not supposed to be cute.  
  
TJ forced a sneer on his face, turning to look down at Cyrus. "You can't get your own muffin?"  
  
"I didn't need this extra level of embarrassment." Cyrus muttered, mostly to Buffy, "...But no." Cyrus turned back to TJ and gave him a sheepish half smile, and TJ honestly didn't think he could say no to this kid.  
  
He gave a shrug, hoping it looked nonchalant. "I mean, I can do it, but... teach a man to fish?" He smiled.  
  
Cyrus gave a relieved (if somewhat strained) smile back and nodded, and before TJ could register what he was doing, he had reached up and put his hand on Cyrus' shoulder, drawing him closer.  
  
_What are you doing._  Panicked thoughts quickly ran through his head, _don't touch him, you idiot, you've just met him! He won't even want your help anymore!_  
  
But Cyrus didn't seem to take note of the hand on his shoulder, too busy staring intently at the last chocolate chocolate chip muffin. So there was really no harm in leaving his hand, was there?  
  
TJ pointed to the muffin tray. "Walk up to the muffin like you already own it."  
  
"He can't  _do_ that." Buffy protested.  
  
TJ turned to glare at Buffy. "Don't tell him what he can't do." Why was he defending the kid? He barely knew him! Buffy raised her eyebrows, but didn't comment.  
  
As he shoved Cyrus towards the lunch line, only one thought went through his head.  
  
He couldn't stop touching the boy.  
  
Why was he doing this?  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ's friendship with Cyrus was growing by the day, and it was amazing most of the time.
> 
> There was just one little problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines day! Here's some Tyrus, and I hope everyone's had a really good day!

TJ's friendship with Cyrus was developing quickly, and for the most part, there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  
  
As a matter of fact, his life was actually _improving_ because Cyrus was in it. He was on good terms with Buffy, he wasn't failing math anymore, his basketball performance was better than ever, and he was just generally  _happier_ when he was around Cyrus. Of course there was the whole drama with Reed and the gun, but they had moved passed that, and TJ honestly thought that their friendship was stronger because of it.  
  
But there was just one little problem.  
  
And by little, TJ meant really fucking big.  
  
He couldn't keep his hands off of Cyrus.  
  
And no, not in a gross way. Just simple touches; a clap on the shoulder, a gentle shove on the back, a nudge to the side when they passed eachother in the hallway. And each time one of these things happened, TJ would feel guilty because he was probably making Cyrus uncomfortable by being so clingy, but he couldn't _stop_ , because each time he touched Cyrus his skin would light on fire and his heart would beat out of his chest and the dull, constant ache would become a roaring in his stomach and the wanting would get worse.  
  
The more he touched Cyrus, the more he wanted. Before, when he wasn't getting any contact, sure, it sucked, but it was _steady._ He was used to it.  
  
But now he had a taste of what it was like, and each brush of the shoulder was a stark reminder of how much he was missing out on, and all he really wanted was to just get better, for his stupid neediness to go away, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.  
  
So he continued to steal small amounts of contact from Cyrus, hoping that it would appease the growling in his stomach and dreading the day when Cyrus would finally tell him to cut it out, that the constant touching was becoming too much, and hope that that day wasn't soon.  
  
***  
  
"Hey! TJ!"  
  
TJ turned at the voice and couldn't help but smile at the sight of Cyrus running towards him. "Hey, underdog." He replied easily as Cyrus stopped next to him, panting and slightly out of breath. "You need something?"  
  
"Yeah." Cyrus said, straightening up and giving TJ a smile that made his heart jump in his chest. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come to the spoon with Buffy, Andi, Marty and me after school?"  
  
"Sounds like fun." TJ grinned. "I'm in."  
  
Cyrus beamed. "Really? Awesome! I'll see you then!" Cyrus gave TJ a pat on the shoulder before turning around and walking to his next class.  
  
TJ stood, frozen in the middle of the hallway, his shoulder on fire where Cyrus had just touched it. His hand automatically drifted to his shoulder, hovering over the material of his hoodie because * _jesus Cyrus had just touched his shoulder why did he do that he thought Cyrus didn't like touching him why had he - ?_  
  
"Kippen!"  
  
TJ snapped out of his trance, turning around to see Buffy standing behind him, hands on her hips.  
  
"Can you move? You're kind of in the middle of the hallway, and you're causing traffic." When TJ didn't reply, her cross expression turned to concerned. "You okay?"  
  
"U-um..." TJ gave his head a slight shake, as if to clear it, "Y-yeah, sorry, just spaced out for a second. Sorry."  
  
Buffy didn't look convinced, staring at him suspiciously for a few more moments. "Well... okay." She said finally. "Get to class, Kippen."  
  
"Later, Driscoll."  
  
***  
  
TJ walked into The Spoon later that day and immidiately spotted Cyrus sitting in a booth with Andi, Marty and Buffy. TJ noted with amusement that Marty's arm seemed to be around Buffy. Cyrus waved them over, and TJ slid in next into the booth next to him.  
  
"Hey! You made it!" Cyrus said brightly, nudging TJ's shoulder.  
  
TJ nudged him back, ignoring the prickly needles that went through his skin at every point of contact. "I did." He said, smiling. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." Cyrus went pink, and Buffy and Andi exchanged looks.  
  
Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Gross. When did you get all sappy, Kippen?" She said, throwing a napkin at him.  
  
"Ha ha." TJ said sarcastically. "Bold of you to assume that I wasn't always sappy, Driscoll."  
  
Everyone at the table laughed, and TJ could feel himself relaxing around them already. He stole a handful of Cyrus's baby taters (Cyrus made a face, but didn't protest) and listened to Andi's latest wedding planning story.  
  
"Anyway, I'm already almost done with the centerpieces, so that's good, but there's still plenty to be done." Andi said. "But I'm just so excited!"  
  
"I'm glad you got Cece to agree about the centerpieces." Buffy said. "Orchids suck."  
  
"Orchids aren't that bad." TJ said. When Andi glared at him, he added, "B-but the lamps are definitely cooler. Yes. Definitely lamps."  
  
"Tactful as ever, Kippen." Buffy said, poking him with a straw across the table. "Sensitivity of a blunt axe, this one."  
  
TJ gasped with mock offense. "How  _dare_ you?" He said, putting his hand dramatically over his heart. "Now you've done it, Driscoll. You've wounded me."  
  
"Aw, I think you upset him, Buffy!" Andi teased, and Marty and Buffy laughed. "Cyrus, give poor TJ a hug!"  
  
Cyrus rolled his eyes at his friends' bantering, but reached up and started to drape one arm around TJ's shoulders to pull him into a hug.  
  
TJ jerked away from Cyrus's arm as if he had been burned, leaping from the booth and to his feet, skin burning from the sudden stimulation. Everyone at the table went silent and turned to look at TJ; Andi with curiosity, Buffy with confusion, and Cyrus...  
  
Oh, god, Cyrus looked  _hurt._  
  
"I..." He knew he should say something, but his skin was still crawling from the half-hug and his breathing was starting to pick up, and he couldn't stay there, he _couldn't_. "I have to go, I'm sorry."  
  
"Wait, TJ - "  
  
But TJ had already turned away and was racing out of the building, tears building in his eyes.  
  
***  
  
TJ didn't know how he managed to make it back to his house in the state he was in, but he knew that he eventually burst into his room, collapsing on his bed. His breathing was still far too fast, and the phantom feeling of Cyrus' arm hadn't yet faded from his skin.  
  
He dragged his weighted blanket over himself, wrapping tightly over his shoulders. The comfort of the farmiliar blanket eased his panic somewhat, but he still had to take several deep breaths before he was able to think clearly again.  
  
Cyrus had sort of... hugged him. But Andi had told Cyrus to do it, so it really didn't mean anything, did it? Just because he wasn't unwilling to do it, didn't mean that he actually  _wanted_  to.  
  
He was interrupted from his errant thoughts when his phone buzzed with a text message. He picked it up and saw that he had three new messages, all from Cyrus.  
  
_Three new messages from: muffin <3_  
  
_muffin <3: Hey, you okay?_

_muffin <3: I'm really sorry, I should've asked before trying to hug you_

_muffin <3: Please don't hate me_  
  
TJ felt a combination of relief and guilt wash over him. So Cyrus wasn't mad at him for walking out on them, but... God, TJ wanted to smack himself. What was he thinking, running out like that, just because Cyrus tried to hug him? Pathetic! And now he had upset Cyrus, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.  
  
He typed out a reply as fast as he could with his shaking hands.

 _Me: dont be sorry cy, I just got jumpy and panicked. not ur fault. I dont hate u at all_  
  
Cyrus's reply was almost immidiate.  
  
_muffin <3: You sure? We're all good?_  
  
_Me: of course underdog. dont worry abt me, im okay. see u tomorrow?_  
  
_muffin <3: Of course. Goodnight, Not So Scary Basketball Guy._  
  
_Me: will i ever just be regular old basketball guy?_

_muffin <3: ...Maybe. Goodnight, TJ._

_Me: night, cyrus_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think or if theres any suggestions!


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus is worried about TJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a chapter! I'm DEFINITELY not posting this just because I need help with something in the next chapter and have to ask for ideas from the readers! DEFINITELY not.
> 
> ... okay, maybe I'm doing that a little bit. Read the notes at the end of the chapter for the thing!

"Cy-guy" Jonah gave Cyrus a poke to the shoulder, making Cyrus look up from where he was slumped moodily over his food at the lunch table.  
  
"Yeah, Jonah?" He asked, forcing a smile on his face. "What's up?"  
  
"Are you okay?" Jonah asked, his eyebrows creased together with worry. "You've been acting super weird all day. Is something wrong?"  
  
Cyrus sighed. "It's... it's nothing. It's stupid." When Jonah raised his eyebrows, he continued, "It's just... I'm worried about TJ. He was acting weird yesterday, and I haven't seen him yet today, and just... I don't know. Maybe I'm just paranoid. "  
  
"I wouldn't worry, Cyrus. I'm sure TJ's okay. He can take care of himself." Andi, having overheard the conversation, jumped in. "In fact..." Andi pointed to the door, and they both turned to see TJ enter the lunchroom, looking cheerful. "There he is now."  
  
Cyrus watched carefully TJ slid to the front of the lunch line and snatched a chocolate muffin off of the tray, and he couldn't help but giggle a little bit when TJ stuck up a not-so-subtle middle finger at the students who glared at him for skipping the line.  
  
"So polite." Cyrus snorted as TJ sat across from him.  
  
"I play the game to win, underdog, not to be polite." TJ said with a grin, placing the muffin next to Cyrus with a flourish. Cyrus rolled his eyes. "And besides, I got you a muffin, so you can't complain."  
  
"My hero." Cyrus said sarcastically. He picked up his muffin and took a bite, letting out a content sigh. "Delicious as ever. Thanks, TJ."  
  
TJ beamed. "No problem, Cy." He said. He reached out absently, as if to ruffle Cyrus's hair, but then jerked his hand back, putting it back in his lap.  
Cyrus, too distracted with him muffin, didn't notice the odd gesture.  
  
But Jonah, who had been watching the entire interaction silently, did.  
  
***  
  
TJ put his hand hastily back in his lap, mentally chided himself for the close slip. * _Just can't keep your hands to yourself, can you Kippen?_ The mocking voice in his head said. * _Right after you freaked out about him hugging you, too. What will he think now? He'll probably never touch you again, and then where would we be?_  
  
TJ gave his head a shake, clearing it of the thoughts before they could take over his head. He couldn't let himself grow dependent on the scraps of affection from Cyrus, because that would be selfish. It shouldn't matter if Cyrus never touched him again, because he didn't need that kind of stuff. End of conversation.  
  
"TJ? TJ!"  
  
"Huh?" TJ's head snapped up to see everyone at the lunch table staring at him, and he realized that he had wrapped his arms around himself and was now hugging himself tightly.  
  
"You okay, Teej?" Cyrus' expression was full of concern.  
  
TJ quickly put his arms back to his side. "Yeah. Fine. I'm fine." He said quickly. Suddenly the cafeteria felt way too louder, the table too crowded, the lights too bright, and his vision was becoming slightly spotty, and everything was too _much._ "I-I'm actually gonna head on. Don't wanna be late. I'll see you later, underdog." And with that, he slung his bag over his shoulder and stood, leaving the classroom.  
  
As he turned around and started to walk out of the cafeteria, he noticed Jonah looking at him oddly, but he didn't have enough energy to wonder why.  
  
***  
  
TJ groaned, slamming his head against his math textbook miserably. It was hopeless. He was hopeless.  
  
He just needed a distraction, any distraction...  
  
His phone chimed from inside his pocket, and he picked it up, grateful for the interruption.  
  
_1 new message from: muffin <3 _

_muffin <3: Hey, you busy?_  
  
TJ grinned when he saw the text from Cyrus, sitting up in his bed and typing out a response.  
  
_Me: hey underdog im not busy. whats up?_  
  
muffin<3: Nothing, just stalling bc I dont want to do history homework :/  
  
Me: wow, cyrus goodman stalling? im surprised at you  
  
muffin<3: Oh, hush. I doubt that you're being much more productive than me.  
  
Me: are you implying that im a slacker?  
  
muffin<3: No, I'm SAYING that you're a slacker XD __  
  
Suddenly a loud shout was heard from downstairs, followed by a crash. TJ jumped, dropping his phone onto his bedspread.  
  
"Why won't you fucking LISTEN TO ME?!" TJ winced when he heard his mother's boyfriend's voice thunder through the house from downstairs. He hated it when they fought, but at least neither of them asked him to settle is like they did sometimes. _That_ never ended well.  
  
"I don't  _have_ to listen to you!" He heard his mother's voice, high and shrill, ring through the house. "This is _my_ house - "  
  
"I pay half the fucking rent! I help pay for that fucking brat kid's school stuff!" TJ felt himself flush when he heard the conversation turn over to him.  
  
"I didn't ask for you to the pay for the kid." His mother snapped. "He can fend for himself. And so can I."  
  
"This house is good as mine! You wouldn't survive a day without me!"  
  
"Oh, I haven't needed you for a long time, and I sure as hell don't need - "  
  
_SMACK!_  
  
TJ cringed, wrapping his arms around his knees and curling into a ball when he heard the sickening slap connect with his mother's face. He heard his mom gasp and fall to the floor, then the front door opened loudly, then shut. Then silence.  
  
TJ quickly lept from his bed, opening his door and racing down the stairs. His mother was on the kitchen floor, her hands clutched over the left side of her cheek. TJ could already see a dark bruise blossoming over the side of her face.  
  
"Mom, are you okay?" He said, hurrying over to her.  
  
"Does it look like I'm okay?" She snapped, wincing when the movement caused pain in her face.  
  
"Can I help?" TJ said desperately. "Please, I'll do anything to help."  
  
She waved an arm at him impatiently. "Yeah, you can help. Go get me some ice or something."  
  
TJ practically tripped over his feet in his haste to comply, running to the freezer and pulling out a handful of ice cubes. He dumped them into a towel on the kitchen counter, then wrapped it up, handing it to his mother. She placed it gingerly against her cheek, wincing again.  
  
"What are you still doing here?" She snapped at TJ when he continued to hover anxiously at her side. "Get out of here."  
  
"Where am I supposed to go?"  
  
"Don't sass me! Just... go, somewhere. I don't care where."  
  
"Okay, mom." He said sadly, standing up from his crouched position. His skin was crawling again, and he wrapped his arms around himself as he trudged back to his room.  
  
He sat on his bed sullenly, glancing at his phone and seeing that he had a new message.  
  
_muffin <3: Anyway, just wanted to check up on you and make sure you're doing good. So... you good?"_  
  
Blinking back tears, TJ responded.  
  
_Me: yep, never better. all good here._  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I need help for something in the next chapter. It's a tiny bit spoiler-ish, so if you really just dont want to know anything that happens, dont read this. Okay, you've been warned.
> 
> Okay, so. I want TJ to have a panic attack while he's at school (it has to be at school because of another plot point) but I dont know what should cause the panic attack. Any suggestions? Any at all? Thanks in advance!! Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Edit: Thank you so much for all of the suggestions! I managed to finish the chapter, so you can expect sometime this week! I really appreciate it.


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy asks TJ for assistance with the team, but things go downhill...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you couldn't tell, I know literally nothing about basketball

TJ sat with his chin in his hands in the bleachers, watching the girls basketball team practice. He had to admit, they had gotten a lot better since their disastrous first game, but they still had a long way to go. He could tell that Buffy was getting frustrated with them again, but she somehow managed not to yell as she gave various pointers to each of the girls.  
  
When Buffy called for a break, she looked up and caught TJ's eye from across the room.  
  
"Keep at it, Driscoll!" He called cheerily. Buffy rolled her eyes, and TJ stuck his tongue out in response.  
  
"TJ!"  
  
TJ looked up and grinned when he saw Cyrus standing a few feet away from him. His hair was mussed, and he was wearing one of TJ's old basketball hoodies, which was comically large on him.  
  
"Hey, underdog." He said easily. "What's up?"  
  
"Just here to see Buffy practice." Cyrus said with a smile, plunking down onto the bleachers next to TJ and scooting until their knees were touching. TJ tensed, all of his thoughts coming to a screeching halt as their knees connected.  
  
"U-um, well, you're a bit late, I think they're already wrapping things up." TJ managed to stammer out, glancing down at their connected knees.  
  
Cyrus noticed, and cleared his throat. "Er, s-sorry." He said, going red and scooting a good six inches away from TJ. He looked embarrased. "I shouldn't have sat so close. Sorry."  
  
"N-no, it's fine!" TJ said hurriedly, also blushing. He hadn't meant for Cyrus to notice his odd behavior. "I mean, you can sit. C-close to me, that is." He silently cursed his neediness. Cyrus probably didn't even want to sit next to him. He probably just felt bad.  
  
Cyrus stared at him cautiously for a few more moments, then slowly slid closer to TJ until their legs were touching again, turning back to watch Buffy and the team resume practicing. And there were those prickly needles again, but TJ ignored them, using all of his willpower to remain relaxed.  
  
"So, what did I miss?" And just like that, Cyrus was back to normal, and he looked at TJ with a small smile. "Anything special?"  
  
"Well, over the past hour, Buffy has texted me to strangle her about..." TJ checked his phone, "three times, and I believe Addison over there accidentally broke someone's eyeglasses while trying to shoot a free throw, so no, you didn't miss much."  
  
Cyrus laughed. "Poor Buffy." He said. "Hey, at least Andi's not on the team. I love her to death, but sports are not that girl's strongest skill."  
  
They silently watched Buffy and the others practice for a few more minutes before Buffy dismissed them all. "That was really good, guys!" She called as everyone left the gym for the locker room. "Just keep practicing, yeah? I'll see you all in a few days!"  
  
When everyone was gone, Buffy came over to them and sat on the bleachers next to Cyrus, dropping her head into her hands with a groan.  
  
Cyrus patted her shoulder sympathetically. "Practice not go well?"  
  
"Was that not obvious?" Buffy said, her head still in her hands.  
  
"Well, I really don't know. All sports look more or less the same to me, so I really can't tell if it's going well or not. But I'm guessing that, by your reaction, it did  _not_ go well.  
  
Buffy raised her head and gave Cyrus a small smile. "No, it didn't go well." Buffy said, absently reaching out and ruffling up Cyrus's hair. Cyrus wrinkled his nose, batting her hand away. "But I'm glad you came, Cyrus. It means a lot."  
  
"I came too!" TJ said, mock-indignant. "Does me coming not mean a lot to you, Buffy? Do you not appreciate the time I sacrificed from my extremely busy social life to watch you practice?"  
  
"'Extremely busy social life'?" Buffy repeated with a snort. "You wish, Kippen. You're not that special."  
  
"Wow. Deep cuts, Driscoll. I'll never be the same." TJ said sarcastically, standing from his seat. "I need to get home. I'll see you guys later."  
  
"Bye, TJ!" Cyrus called cheerfully. Buffy gave a salute, and TJ waved back at both of them.  
  
"Later, Cy."  
  
***  
  
TJ walked down the hallway with his backpack over his shoulders, dragging his feet as slowly as he could, hoping he could put off returning home. His mother was sure to still he in a bad mood from yesterday, and TJ wasn't looking foward to returning to that. Maybe he would visit the park for a bit, and hopefully run into Cyrus...  
  
"Kippen!"  
  
Or not.  
  
TJ turned when he heard his name being called, frowning in confusion when he saw Buffy hurriedly walking towards him. "What's up, Driscoll?" He said as Buffy approached him. "You need something? Or did you just want to be graced with my presence?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself." Buffy snorted. "I need your help with something.Addison on the basketball team asked me to practice with her today, and I want you to come with me."  
  
TJ frowned. "Why? I mean, sure, I'll do it, but why do you want me to come?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Addison is hopeless. She's going to need all the help she can get, so I figured having two people helping her might help."  
  
"Sure." TJ shrugged. "Sounds fun."  
  
"Trust me, it wont be."  
  
***  
  
"Addison, what part of 'plant your feet' do you not understand?"  
  
TJ sighed, rubbing his temple where a headache was starting to form. They had been practicing for almost an hour, and they were getting nowhere.  
  
Addison caught the ball as it bounced to the floor, glaring at Buffy. "That makes it harder." Addison argued. "Its easier to be loose. And what if I'm running and I have to shoot? Planting my feet won't help anything."  
  
"But we're  _not_ running, Addison." Buffy said slowly, as if talking to a small child. Addison scowled. "We're doing free throws, so maybe you should  _plant your damn feet_  like I'm telling you to."  
  
"Buffy." TJ warned. "Maybe take it down a notch. She's trying."  
  
"Well, she's not trying hard enough." Buffy said, throwing the basketball back to Addison. "Again."  
  
"No." Addison folded her arms, frowning. "I'm not gonna try again if you're just going to insult me."  
  
"I'm not insulting you!" Buffy said, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "I'm just trying to help you! If you would just  _listen_ to me - "  
  
"I don't have to listen to you." Addison interrupted crossly. "I can do this myself."  
  
"Well, I've seen you play, Addison, so I'm finding that a bit hard to believe."  
  
In the heat of the argument, neither girl noticed that TJ had gone frozen, nor did they notice that his face had gone pale and that his breathing was picking up rapidly, his brain flashing back to the previous night.  
  
" _Why won't you fucking LISTEN TO ME?!_

_"I don't HAVE to listen to you! This is MY house - "_  
  
"You know, I don't think I want your help anymore, Buffy." Addison said, throwing the basketball to the ground. "Don't expect me at practice next week." And with that, she stormed off.  
  
Buffy let put a sigh. "Jesus! I can't stand her sometimes!" Buffy said, turning to face TJ. "She can be such a - "  
  
She cut off, frowning when she saw TJ's face. He was still and white as a sheet, and his breathing was starting to become erratic.  
  
"TJ? You okay?" He didn't respond, still standing with the same expression. "Hello? Earth to Kippen?" She said, reaching out and shaking TJ's shoulder.  
  
TJ jerked away so fast that it made Buffy stumble, and she quickly drew back her hand. "Jesus, what's wrong with you?" She said crossly.  
  
TJ continued to stare at her for a few moments, wide eyed and terrified looking, before turning and running at top speed out of the gym.  
  
"Hey! TJ! Come back!"  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
***  
  
The moment TJ was out of the gym and into the hallway he collapsed onto the floor, his breath caught in his throat. Flashbacks raced through his mind.  
  
_"This house is good as mine! You wouldn't survive a day without me!"_  
  
"Oh, I haven't needed you for a long time, and I sure as hell don't need - "  
  
SMACK! __  
  
"No, no, no..." TJ frantically shook his head, "Please, don't hurt her..."  
  
_TJ?_  
  
TJ ran both of his hands through his hair desperately through his hair, clenching it tightly. The constricting in his throat was becoming painful, and his vision was starting to black out, and please god make it stop please -   
  
_TJ!_  
  
Someone was calling his name, but TJ couldn't make himself look up, because he felt like he was going to die and whoever it was would probably make it worse and he was starting to gasp from lack of air and -  
  
"TJ! Are you okay?"  
  
Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and the fading itchiness on his skin became red hot fire again. Panic shot through his veins like electricity, and he jerked away from the touch. "No!" He managed to gasped out, scrambling up against the lockers. "Don't touch me!"  
  
"Okay, okay. No touching. Okay." TJ could barely hear the voice speaking, but it was speaking quietly and calmly.  
  
"TJ, can you look at me?" TJ shook his head frantically. "Okay, that's fine, I just need you to breathe for me. Take a deep breath."  
  
TJ forced himself to comply, and his vision immidiately went clearer as oxygen filled his lungs. He coughed, his lungs aching from the sudden expanding. He strained his ears to hear what the voice said next.  
  
"Okay, good job." The voice stayed quiet and calm. "Now, TJ, can you name four things you can see?"  
  
"U-um..." TJ was confused at the request, and his vision was still covered in spots, but he forced himself to focus his eyes, searching for anything that he could see without lifting his eyes to look at the mysterious person. "Th-the... the floor." He said finally, letting out another small cough. "M-my j-jeans. And... your shoes. And laces on them."  
  
"Okay, good. Now name three things you can feel?"  
  
As TJ slowly started to gain awareness, he realized that the voice was... farmiliar? But he couldn't put his finger on it in his panicked state. "The... lockers. The floor. And... my hoodie."  
  
"Good job. Two things you can hear now?"  
  
"You." TJ's voice was steadier this time. "I can hear you. And... the air conditioner."  
  
"Good job. Now, just breathe."  
  
TJ did, his breathing considerably slower than before. He took another breath, then another, until the panic had slowly left his body. *Just breathe,* he told himself, *just breathe. You're okay, you'll be okay. Just breathe.* When his breathing evened out, he slumped against the lockers and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted.  
  
"TJ? Are you okay now?"  
  
TJ finally looked up at his mysterious helper, and almost did a double take when he found himself face to face with a worried-looking Jonah Beck.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proper characterization? Never heard of her.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonah and TJ talk about things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really planning on posting this until Friday, but my boyfriend and I broke up today and I just feel all weird, so I thought I would post this chapter to make someone happy. Enjoy!

"J-Jonah?" TJ spluttered, his face going red with embarrassment at the state Jonah had found him in. "Wh- how- what are you doing here??" He backed up until his back was against the lockers again.   
  
Jonah's expression was oddly calm for someone who had just found a panicking teenager of the floor of an empty middle school. "I had to stay late to work on a project for biology." He said, moving from his crouched position to sit coss legged on the floor next to TJ. "Was that your first time having a panic attack?"  
  
"A... a what?" TJ said, flummoxed. "A... panic attack? That's what that was?"  
  
"Yeah." Jonah said, nodding solemnly. His face was uncharacteristically serious. "Has something like that ever happened to you before?"  
  
"Y-yeah, a few times..." TJ said, still feeling extremely confused, "how did you know that it was a panic attack? And how did you know how to stop it?"  
  
Jonah gave a small smile. "I get them sometimes, too." He said. "Cyrus' dad gave me the tip about looking for things you can see and feel. It helps you ground yourself or... something. I don't really remember what he said. "  
  
"Oh." TJ blinked, absorbing this information. Jonah was the last person TJ would expect to get panic attacks. "That... that sucks, man. I'm sorry." TJ winced.  _Super classy, Kippen._  
  
Jonah gave a small laugh. "Yeah, it definitely does suck." He said, leaning against the lockers next to TJ. He left a few inches of space between them, which TJ was grateful for. His skin was still crawling from the panic attack and the flashback.   
  
After a few moments of silence, TJ spoke. "Er... what can cause them?"  
  
"Cause what?"  
  
"Panic attacks."  
  
Jonah paused for a moment, thinking. "Well... it can be a lot of things," he answered slowly. "It can be because something bad happens, or it can be from sensory things, like a loud noise...or they dont even have to have a cause, they can just happen..."  
  
"What about..." TJ bit his lip, hesitating, "What if... something happens, and it reminds you of something bad that's happened to you... can that cause a panic attack?"  
  
Jonah furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm... not sure. That's never happened to me, but I'm sure it's possible." Jonah looked at TJ curiously. "Why? Is that what happened to you?"  
  
TJ didn't answer.   
  
"Well... whatever it is, if you ever need my help with anything, you can come to me, yeah?" Jonah said, standing up from his spot on the floor and extending a hand to help TJ up.  
  
TJ hesitated for a moment, then took it, letting go as quickly as possible when he was back on his feet. He forced a smile. "Thanks, Jonah." He said. "I'll... bear that in mind."  
  
***  
  
Cyrus looked up when he heard the door to The Spoon open and grinned when he saw Buffy walking in.  
  
"Hey, Buffy." Andi said with a smile as Buffy collapsed into the booth next to Cyrus. "How was your thing with Addison?"  
  
"Awful." Buffy said, putting her chin on the table moodily. "I need a milkshake."  
  
"We already ordered you one." Cyrus said. "Strawberry. What happened at the practice?"  
  
"Ugh, it was _horrible_. I swear to god, Addison is one of the most stubborn girls I've ever met. I think she might have quit the team on her way out, but I wasn't really listening to anything she was saying. And TJ was acting super weird too, so - "  
  
"TJ?" Cyrus suddenly sat up, fully listening now. "What was wrong with him? What was he doing there?"  
  
"I asked him to help Addison with me." Buffy said. "And me and Addison - "  
  
"Addison and  _I_ \- "  
  
"Whatever. Anyway, we were arguing, and then after Addison stormed off, TJ went all still and he started breathing really heavy, and when I tried to touch his shoulder, he ran away from me."  
  
"He... ran away from you?" Andi repeated in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean he literally ran out of the gym and into the hallway. I haven't seen him since." Buffy leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms.  
  
".... Huh." Cyrus said after a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. "... That's weird."  
  
"What is?"  
  
"That he didn't run away until you tried to touch him. Because I was just remembering that day at the spoon," Cyrus said, "When I tried to hug TJ, remember? And..."  
  
"And he ran off." Andi finished, also leaning back in her seat. "Huh. That _is_ weird. What do you think it means?"  
  
"No clue." Buffy shrugged, accepting her milkshake from the server and taking a large sip. "Maybe he's just weird about touching. Some people are like that, you know."  
  
"But he touches _me_." Cyrus argued. "He's gone out of his way to touch me before. If he was weird about touch, don't you think he would avoid it with everyone? And besides, have you ever met anyone else who actually runs away when they're touched? That seems like a pretty intense reaction from someone who's "just a bit weird" about touching."  
  
"I think you're looking into this too much, Cyrus." Andi said, dipping a baby tater into her milkshake and popping it into her mouth. "If there was something wrong with TJ, I'm sure he would tell you. He trusts you a lot, you know."  
  
"Whatever." Cyrus muttered, his cheeks turning pink. "Doesn't stop me from worrying."   
  
"You worry about _everything_ , Cyrus." Andi said patiently. "I'm sure TJ is fine, okay? If there was something really wrong, I'm sure we'd know."  
  
Cyrus sighed, putting his chin on the table. "...You're right." He said finally. "You're right. Of course you're right. He's probably fine. I shouldn't worry"  
  
"Right." Andi said, nodding wisely. "Now, Buffy, tell us more about what happened at practice, yeah?"  
  
***  
  
_1 new message from: Scary Basketball Guy  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: hey cy :)   
  
muffin<3: Hey TJ! You okay?  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: of course i am. why wouldn't i be?  
  
muffin<3: idk... just something Buffy said earlier. Anyway, what's up?  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: not much, just suffering through math homework and wondering if its too early for me to ditch school and live on the streets as a fugitive. u?  
  
muffin<3: Texting you :D That sounds rough. Is math still not going well?  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: yeah :(   
  
Scary Basketball Guy: i mean its alot better now, obviously. but still, it's not great.  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: ... wait what did Buffy say about me?  
  
muffin: Nothing. It's not important  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: cyrussss  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: come on  
  
muffin: She just said that you left practice early, and you seemed a bit off. You're SURE you're okay?  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: yes underdog, im perfectly okay. you should probably get some sleep.  
  
muffin: If you insist XD Goodnight, TJ  
  
Scary Basketball Guy: night, cy ___  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm the next chapter is mostly filler so dont get your hopes up too much


	6. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tj comes home to find that his mother's boyfriend has made some changes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from the dead! Things still arent going great, and I guess I'm still technically on hiatus, but I just really wanted to upload a chapter. I'm having zero inspiration, so it might be a bit before the next one. Enjoy!! <33

The moment TJ entered his room when he got home that day, he realized that something was wrong.  
  
His pillows had been aimlessly tossed onto the floor, his sheets were askew on his bed, and his weighted blanket was missing.  
  
Panic immidiately shot through his veins. Where had it gone? Had someone stolen it? Had his mother taken it? How was he going to sleep without it?   
  
"Mom?" He called loudly, hoping that she was still in the house. "Mom!"  
  
"What?" Her voice responded from downstairs. "Don't yell across the house, come downstairs if you want to talk to me."   
  
He raced down the stairs, stumbling slightly as he ran to his mom, who was sitting at the kitchen table with a pile of bills in front if her. "Mom." He panted when she looked up at him. "Do you know where my weighted blanket is?"  
  
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Your what?" She said. She sounded confused.  
  
"My weighted blanket." He repeated. "You know, the heavy one that's in my bed, the green one. Where is it?"  
  
"Oh, TJ, I'm sorry," she said, "but Anthony cleaned out the house while you were at school, and he sold a lot of stuff."  
  
"He... he _what?!_ " TJ felt dizzy. "You... you just let your boyfriend go through my room and sell my stuff?!"  
  
"Well, I didn't want him to, but we didn't have much of a choice, TJ." She said gently. "We're a little tight on money right now, and we had a lot of stuff just laying around that we didn't need."  
  
"But I _do_ need it!" TJ protested.   
  
"TJ, it's just a blanket, I really don't think you  _need_ \- "  
  
"He doesn't know what I need!" TJ said loudly. "And he had no right to sell it! Now how am I supposed to sleep without it?"  
  
"It's not really that complicated, TJ." His mother's gentle tone was gone, and it was replaced by a mildly irritated one. "You get tired enough, you'll fall asleep. I really think you'll survive without that expensive blanket."  
  
TJ opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it again. It was no point trying to explain his odd relationship with touch and his need for his weighted blanket to his mother, she would just think he was trying to get attention. And really, why _did_ he need that old blanket? It was stupid, wasn't it?   
  
"You're right." TJ said finally. "I'm being stupid."  
  
TJ turned and sadly trudged back up to his room.  
  
**  
  
Cyrus stared as TJ entered the lunchroom. He really didn't mean to, he knew it was rude, but he couldn't help it.  
  
TJ looked absolutely awful. His hair, which was lacking its usual gel, was lank and fell into his eyes, which were bloodshot and unfocused. He had two large bruises under each eye, which Cyrus realized after a moment were actually dark circles. He was walking sluggishly, dragging the tips of his sneakers on the floor.  
  
TJ wordlessly collapsed into the seat next to Cyrus, making everyone at the table turn to look at him.  
  
"Jesus christ, TJ, what happened to you?" Buffy said in horror. "You look like you got run over by a bus!"  
  
"Thanks." TJ said grumpily, putting his chin down on the table. "Please, continue. It does wonders for my self esteem."  
  
"Seriously, TJ, what happened?" Cyrus said. "Are you okay? Are you sick? What -"  
  
"Relax, guys, m'fine." TJ mumbled, not looking up at any of them. "I'm just tired. I didn't really sleep... at all... last night."   
  
"Why not?" Cyrus asked, concerned. TJ just shifted uncomfortably, not answering. He looked embarrased.  
  
"TJ, maybe you should go home." Jonah said, uncharacteristically solemn looking. Yesterday's events flashed through TJ's head, and TJ could tell that Jonah was remembering them too. "You should get some sleep. You must be exhausted."  
  
"No." TJ said as firmly as he could. He sat up, then closed his eyes and winced as a wave of dizziness washed over him. "No, I'm not going home. I'm _fine_ , guys, really."  
  
TJ could tell that none of them were convinced. "Well..." Cyrus said, biting his lip uncertainly, "...If you're sure you can make it through the day, TJ..."  
  
"I am." He said, nodding vigorously, then wincing as it made his head throb painfully. "I'm sure."  
  
"Well... okay, then." Cyrus said. "But make sure you get some sleep tonight, okay?"  
  
"Don't worry, underdog, of course I will." TJ said, and before his tired brain could register what he was doing, he had reached out and ruffled up Cyrus' hair. Cyrus wrinkled his nose, flattening his hair back when TJ removed his hand. "I'll sleep tonight, don't worry."  
  
***  
  
TJ didn't get any sleep that night.  
  
Or the night after that.  
  
It wasn't that he hadn't tried, because he really had tried (though admittedly only because he didn't want to dissapoint Cyrus), but no matter how tired he was, he just couldn't sleep. He would climb into bed, but it would be too big and too cold and too empty without his weighted blanket, which really only made the situation more embarrassing, because wasn't it just  _pathetic_  that a  _blanket_ was the reason he couldn't sleep? And besides, it would be fine. Eventually his body would get so tired that it  _had_ to sleep, right?  
  
And it did, but TJ didn't exactly expect it to be in the middle of the school day.  
  
***  
  
Cyrus looked down in confusion when he felt a weight drop onto his shoulder during lunch a few days later and couldn't help but frown a little bit when he saw that TJ had... fallen asleep on his shoulder?  
  
Cyrus tilted his head to get a better angle of TJ's face, and yeah, he was definitely asleep. That was weird... he had been pretty quiet over the past few days, but TJ wasn't usually the type to fall asleep during school.  
  
Andi and Buffy, noticing Cyrus go silent, both turned to him curiously and raised their eyebrows when they saw TJ.  
  
"Is he... asleep?" Buffy questioned.  
  
"Looks like it." Cyrus said. "I know he hasn't been getting much sleep lately, but I didn't think he..." Cyrus trailed off worriedly, gently shaking his shoulder gently. TJ muttered unintelligably, nudging at Cyrus's shoulder with his cheek. Cyrus went pink. "What do I do?"  
  
"Maybe... just let him sleep?" Andi said uncertainly. "You said he's been tired lately, so..." Andi bit her lip, looking at TJ worriedly.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Cyrus said. "I guess I'll just... wait for him to wake up."  
  
They all resumed eating lunch, Cyrus now being extra careful not to wake the sleeping TJ on his shoulder, which turned out to not be all that difficult, because TJ seemed to be out cold. How long had it been since he slept?  
  
Suddenly the bell rang loudly, signaling the end of lunchtime. TJ's eyes snapped open from the loud noise and for a moment he didn't register his surroundings.  _Where was he...?_  
  
It was loud, and it was bright, and his neck was stiff because his head had drooped to the side, and against his cheek was the rough material of a button up shirt...  
  
_Wait, what?_  
  
His head jerked up.  
  
Oh.  
  
_Oh no._  
  
He had fallen asleep on Cyrus' shoulder.  
  
Cyrus smiled at him. "Hey, you." He said playfully. "I see you're awake."  
  
"I... shit, Cy, I'm..." TJ's head was spinning, and he could tell that his face was burning. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I mean, I -"  
  
Cyrus' expression turned to concern. "Hey, it's okay, Teej. You don't need to - "  
  
"I have to go." TJ said abruptly, his head still spinning, "I'm sorry - " He stood from his chair, face dark with embarrassment.  
  
"Hey, wait, TJ - " Cyrus reached out a hand in an attempt to stop him from leaving, but TJ had already departed from the lunchroom at high speed, leaving Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus all stunned.  
  
"What... just happened?" After a few moments, Buffy broke the uncomfortable silence.   
  
"I don't know." Cyrus answered, equally bemused. "I think... I'm gonna go look for him."  
  
No one said anything as Cyrus left the table.  
  
***  
  
Cyrus eventually found TJ in the gym sitting in at the top of the bleachers, his head in his hands and his hair clenched tightly in his fists. Cyrus slowly walked up the bleachers, sitting next to TJ. He didn't seem to notice.   
  
Cyrus reached out and gently touched TJ's shoulder.  
  
TJ's reaction was instant. His head snapped up, and he jerked away from Cyrus' hand so fast that Cyrus started.  
  
"C-cyrus?" TJ said, his hand over his chest. "Jesus, you gave me a heart attack!"  
  
"Er - s-sorry..."   
  
"No, it's fine, just..." TJ sighed, dropping his hand back to his side. "I didn't think you'd... follow me here..." he muttered. He sounded embarrassed.  
  
"Of course I did." Cyrus said, furrowing his eyebrows. "I had to make sure you were okay after you ran off."  
  
"Of course I'm okay. I was just a bit tired, is all. You know how I haven't been getting much sleep lately." He didn't sound convincing.  
  
" _Why,_ though?" Cyrus persisted. "Why haven't you been sleeping? There has to have been a reason, because you've been sleeping perfectly fine up till a few days ago. What happened?"  
  
TJ shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Cyrus' eye. "It's stupid." He muttered, almost unintelligably.   
  
"No, it's not." Cyrus said. "If it's causing you to not get sleep, it's not stupid, no matter what it is."  
  
TJ was silent after that for so long that Cyrus thought he wasn't going to respond. Just as Cyrus was about to speak again, TJ said, "It's... we've been a bit tight on money lately, so my mom's boyfriend sold a bunch of our stuff yesterday, and he... got rid of something of mine."  
  
Cyrus furrowed his eyebrows confusedly. "What was it?" He asked  
  
TJ went pink. "It was ... a weighted blanket." He muttered, so quietly that Cyrus couldn't hear.  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A weighted blanket. It's heavier than normal blankets, and I used to sleep with it every night. But now that he's sold it, I'm not able..." He trailed off, going even redder. "Sorry, this probably sounds really stupid."   
  
"No! It's not stupid at all!" Cyrus said hurriedly. Without thinking, he reached out again and put his hand on TJ's shoulder. TJ went stiff, but didn't move away. "TJ, really, it's not stupid at all. Did you know that I still sleep with a nightlight?"  
  
TJ couldn't help but smile a little bit at that. "Of course you do." He said fondly, turning to look at Cyrus. "I bet it's shaped like a dinosaur."  
  
"Hey! I'm not  _that_  childish!"

  
"..."  
  
"Okay, it's shaped like a dinosaur."  
  
TJ laughed. "I knew it."  
  
Cyrus pouted. "Don't make fun of me." He said, but he was smiling. "Let's get to class, okay? We don't want to be late."  
  
TJ smiled, looking considerably more cheerful than he had earlier as they both stood and started to climb down from the bleachers. "Sure." He agreed. "Let's get going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment with opinions/suggestions!


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus has a realization

TJ slowly got used to sleeping without his weighted blanket wrapped around him every night. He definitely wasn't getting as much sleep as he usually did every night, but it was better than it was that first week. He wasn't completely exhausted anymore, the dark circles had gone from underneath his eyes, and he didn't fall asleep in the cafeteria again, thank god. He didn't know what he'd do if he had to suffer through that embarrassment again.  
  
But overall, things were normal for a while. (Well, as normal as things could be when you were friends with Cyrus, Buffy and Andi. They always seemed to have some sort of drama going on.) TJ thought that he could put the whole panic-attack-followed-by-a-solid-week-of-insomnia incident behind him and forget it ever happened.  
  
And he almost could.   
  
Until three weeks later, when he got into a fight with his mother's boyfriend.  
  
***  
  
"Cyrus, for goodness sake, I'm sure TJ is _fine_."  
  
Buffy's tone was torn between fond and exasperated, rolling her eyes when Cyrus just huffed and put his chin moodily into his hands.  
  
"But he's not here." Cyrus said worriedly. He glanced at TJ's desk for the third time in the past minute, as if TJ might have suddenly materialized there. It was just as empty as it had been when he had gotten there. "He usually texts me when he's not going to be at school. What if something happened? What if he's hurt? What if he got kidnapped on his way to school??"  
  
"Cyrus, you're being ridiculous." Buffy chided. "Come on, Andi, help me out here?"  
  
Buffy turned to Andi, presumably to get Andi to agree with her, but Andi just bit her lip uncertainly. "I don't know, Buffy." She said. "I mean, TJ  _does_ usually text if he's gonna be late. Maybe..."  
  
"Maybe what, Andi?" Buffy said, raising her eyebrows. "God, you guys are so paranoid. I'm sure that TJ is perfectly - "  
  
Buffy cut herself off with a gasp, her eyes suddenly fixed on a spot behind Cyrus and Andi's heads. Cyrus turned around to see what she was looking at and also gasped, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.  
  
TJ was standing in the doorway of the classroom, his head ducked and his hair falling into his eyes, but it didn't hide the painfully obvious purple-green bruise across his jawbone. TJ hastily entered the classroom and sat at his desk at the front of the classroom, avoiding everyone's eyes.  
  
Cyrus lept from his chair, walking to the front of the classroom as fast as he could. "TJ!"  
  
TJ turned. "Hey, Cy." He said, smiling, then grimacing as the movement aggravated the bruise on his jaw. "How, uh, how are you?"  
  
"TJ, what happened to you?" Cyrus demanded, crouching down until he was eye level with TJ. "That bruise looks awful! What happened? Did you get into a fight or something!"  
  
"Of course not, Cyrus, I don't get into fights anymore. I just - " TJ cut off, sucking in a breath when Cyrus reached out and ghosted his fingers over the bruise on his cheek. "I-I just, u-um..." he was suddenly finding it a lot harder to string together a coherent thought with Cyrus' thumb gently brushing across his face, "I r-ran into a doorframe a-and smacked my eye. Classic TJ, you know."  
  
"I don't believe that for one second." Cyrus dropped his hand back to his side, and TJ almost whimpered out loud at the sudden absence of warmth on his cheek. "You are not a klutz, TJ Kippen, and that would never happen to you. Why can't you tell me?"  
  
"C-Cyrus, I -"  
  
"Alright, everyone sit down." Their teacher entered the classroom, slamming his binder down on the front desk. He glared at Cyrus. "Get in your seat, Goodman. Class is starting."  
  
"Of course, sir." Cyrus said. "We're talking later, you're not getting out of it." Cyrus added in a hushed voice to TJ before hurrying back to his seat, where Andi and Buffy were waiting impatiently.  
  
"Well?" Buffy hissed at Cyrus as he sat back in his chair. "What happened? Did he say how he got the bruise?"   
  
"Well, sort of." Buffy raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate. "He claims that he ran into a doorframe."  
  
Buffy snorted. "Yeah, right. TJ wouldn't just 'run into a doorframe'. Something obviously happened."   
  
Cyrus noticed Andi furrow her eyebrows in thought. "What'cha thinking, Mack?" He said, poking Andi in the shoulder.  
  
Andi looked up at him worriedly. "Well, I'm just wondering..." Andi hesitated for a moment, "...do you think that he got in a fight with Reed?"  
  
Cyrus blinked. "Reed?" He said. "What would Reed have to do with this?"  
  
"I don't know!" Andi said, somewhat defensively. "I just thought, maybe Reed is still angry about the whole gun thing, and maybe... I don't know, maybe it was a stupid thought."  
  
"No, it wasn't stupid. Except, TJ said he didn't get into a fight..." Cyrus said slowly.  
  
"Yeah, but he also said that he ran into a doorframe, and we know that's not true." Buffy said, rolling her eyes. "He could've been lying about it, couldn't he?"  
  
Cyrus didn't reply to that, turning to look worriedly at TJ. He was hunched over his desk, dragging a pencil absently over an empty page of his notebook. He looked extremely unhappy.   
  
"I don't know." Cyrus finally replied, not taking his eyes off of TJ. "I guess I'll have to find out later."  
  
***  
  
_Scary Basketball Guy: meet me at the swings asap to talk. ill tell u what happened_  
  
Cyrus worriedly checked the messege for the fourth time since he had gotten to the park.  _Sent 5:28 PM._  It was almost 6:15, and TJ was nowhere to be found. Cyrus couldn't stop the panicked thoughts from racing through his head; _what if he couldn't make it? What if something happened to him on the way there? What if he got hurt and he was laying in a ditch somewhere, crying for help? What if - ___  
  
"This swing taken?"  
  
Cyrus's head shot up. TJ was standing next to the empty swing, looking at Cyrus nervously.  
  
Cyrus breathed out a sigh of relief. "TJ. You came." He said, smiling  
  
"Of course I came." There was something strained in the smile TJ gave him in return as he sat in the swing next to Cyrus, gently kicking his feet in the mulch. "You wanted to talk, so... I wanted to tell you what happened."  
  
Cyrus waited for TJ to continue, but it was clear that he was in no rush to keep talking. "Yeah?" He prompted gently. "What happened? Was it..." he hesitated, biting his lip, "...was it Reed?"  
  
TJ glanced up sharply, and his expression was so bewildered looking that Cyrus almost laughed. "Reed?" TJ said, sounding confused. "No, of course it wasn't Reed, I haven't seen him in forever. Why on earth would you think that?"  
  
"Well, I figured that if it _was_ Reed, you probably wouldn't want to tell me, and you were acting weird earlier, so I kind of thought - "  
  
"It wasn't Reed." TJ interrupted, making Cyrus quickly fall silent. "It was... someone else."  
  
"Aha, so you  _were_ in a fight."  
  
"Well... not exactly." Cyrus raised his eyebrows, and TJ sighed, combing a finger through his hair. "My mom's boyfriend got pissed at me the other day, and... well, you see what happened." TJ gestured vaguely to himself.  
  
"He... you mean he hit you?"  
  
TJ nodded, avoiding Cyrus' eye.  
  
"Oh, god, TJ. I'm so sorry." Cyrus said. "Has he ever... I mean, has he hit you before?" He asked, slightly afraid of the answer he was going to recieve.  
  
"No." TJ said, and Cyrus let out a small sigh of relief. "But he's yelled at me a lot before, and he's hit my mom a few times, but this is the first time he's ever hit me."  
  
"TJ, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how awful that must be for you." TJ just shrugged, kicking his feet sullenly. "Have you thought about telling anyone?"  
  
TJ looked up and gave Cyrus a half smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm telling you, aren't I?" He said ruefully.  
  
Cyrus smiled sofly back. "I  _know_ that, but I can't do anything to help you. I mean someone like an adult."  
  
"No." TJ said quickly, shaking his head. "I can't. He pays half the rent, and as much as I hate him, he does pay for a lot of my school stuff. He only does it because my mom asks him to do it, but... I don't know. You won't tell anyone, will you?" He looked at Cyrus hopefully.  
  
Cyrus bit his lip hesitantly. "TJ, I really don't know..." He said.  
  
"Cyrus, _please_." TJ said desperately. "I need to know that you won't tell."  
  
"I... okay, TJ. I promise I won't tell. But..." Cyrus stood from the swing and put a hand on TJ's shoulder. TJ's whole body immidiately went stiff, and his face flooded with color as the farmiliar (and uncomfortable) wanting sensation filled his body. "If you ever need anything at all, whether it's advice, or help, or just someone to vent to, you can always come to me. I'm here for you, TJ."  
  
TJ's eyes slowly travelled to Cyrus' hand on his shoulder, and for a second he considered spilling everything; his desperate want for touch, the panic attacks, the loneliness, the countless sleepless night, the pain, all the times he had been rejected touch in his life.  
  
But no... he couldn't burden Cyrus with his problems. How would that be any kind of fair? Cyrus had already given TJ so much, and TJ had screwed up so many times. He couldn't do this to Cyrus, on top of everything else. That would truly be selfish.  
  
He forced a smile, standing up and gently shrugging Cyrus' hand off of his shoulder. "Thanks underdog, but I'm sure I'll be fine." He said. "Don't worry too much about me, okay?"  
  
Cyrus's hand gently fell back to his side. "Well, okay, TJ, but - "  
  
"I'll see you later, Cy." He said, reaching out and giving Cyrus a small pat on the shoulder before turning and walking away.  
  
****  
  
Cyrus sat moodily at the dinner table that night, poking at the dinner that his stepmom had cooked for him. He couldn't focus on anything. TJ had was plaguing his thoughts since he got back from the park, and he was worried sick. He knew that TJ didn't want him to tell anyone, but...  
  
"How was work, Sharon?" Cyrus father asked, breaking the silence at the table.  
  
"It was interesting." She replied. "I actually worked with a patient who was touch starved."  
  
Cyrus frowned at the unfarmiliar term. His parents had "therapist talk" at the table all the time, but this was something new. "What's that?" Cyrus said curiously.  
  
Sharon looked at him, seeming surprised. It was clear that she didn't know he had been listening to the conversation. "What's what, Cyrus?" She said patiently.  
  
"What you just said. Touch starved, or whatever." Cyrus repeated. "What is that?"  
  
"Oh, of course. Well, it's fairly common in a lot of teenagers these days, because they spend so much time on the internet and their phones, and they don't get a lot of physical contact from their friends. It can cause a sort of touch deficiency which can be bad for development."  
  
"Oh." Cyrus said, blinking.  _Huh..._  
  
"Anyway," Sharon continued, turning back to Cyrus' father, "The girl, Valarie, grew up in a really awful environment, and her parents were hardly ever around, and when they were they didn't treat her very well. So she developed a touch hunger so bad that touch was physically painful for her."  
  
Cyrus frowned. This was sounding increasingly farmiliar, and he couldn't put his finger on it. His heartrate sped up, and he felt like he was on the verge of discovering something vitally important, but he couldn't for the life of him imagine what it was.  
  
" - and we're recommending slowly adding physical contact over time, because too much all at once really seems to stress her out." Sharon finished, waving her fork around as she spoke. "Which makes sense, of course. Getting so much contact at once after a life of isolation would obviously cause overstimulation, so - "  
  
And then it all clicked.  
  
Cyrus dropped his fork against his plate with a loud clatter.  
  
Sharon turned around to look at him again. "Cyrus? What's wrong?"  
  
Cyrus didn't answer. His brain was refusing to work, and he couldn't do anything but continue to stare ahead in shock. "Oh no." He whispered in horror, his hand flying to his mouth. "Oh _no_."  
  
"Cyrus!" Sharon repeated loudly. "What has gotten into you?"  
  
"I - I'm not hungry!" Cyrus declared, standing quickly and pushing his chair into the table. "I'm gonna go upstairs."  
  
"Young man, come back here this instant - "  
  
But Cyrus had already raced out of the dining room and up the stairs into his room, where he collapsed into his desk chair. He let out a shaky breath, running his hand through his hair. He pulled his laptop towards himself and opened it, quickly typing into the Google search bar.  
  
He had an idea of what was wrong with TJ.  
  
He just hoped to god that he was wrong.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, I'll admit it. I've hit a wall. I'm completely stuck on what to do next, so I'm going to you, wonderful readers. How do you want Cyrus to react to finding out? Should he confront TJ immediately? Should he wait? What should happen? Literally nothing is off the table here, because I am completely stuck. Thanks so much!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry for such the long wait. Life has been hell for the last few months, but school is over for me, so hopefully I'll get more writing done. I promise I'm not abandoning this story, but updates probably won't be often. I'm so sorry
> 
> Also this chapter is really short, but I needed to show that I'm not dead, so next chapter should be longer. Thanks <3

__

*1 new message from: muffin<3

muffin<3: Hey TJ, you get home okay?

Me: ofc, you saw me like half an hour ago lol

muffin<3: Just making sure. I worry about you

Me: yeah ive noticed

muffin<3: hey :(

Me: i didn't say it was a bad thing lol

Me: it's cute

muffin<3: Haha, very funny.

Me: what? its the truth

muffin<3: I'm not cute. I'm serious. and manly.

Me: manly? come on, at least go for an adjective that's a little bit convincing

muffin<3: Quit being a bully :(

Me: im just kidding cy. ur very manly

muffin<3: haha very funny

muffin<3: I gtg, my parents are coming and I'm not supposed to be on my phone

Me: wow cyrus breaking the rules? I dont even know you anymore

muffin<3: Zip it basketball guy. See you tmr?

Me: Yep. goodnight Cy

muffin<3: Goodnight, TJ.

_  
_

  
****

TJ spent the next morning before school meticulously applying concealer to his bruised eye. He knew that people had already seen the bruise yesterday, but he was hoping (maybe a little bit foolishly, but still hoping) that if they didn't see it again today, they may just forget about it.

He studied himself critically in the cracked mirror above the bathroom sink. The bruise was gone, but the concealer was just a little bit too pale in contrast to his tan skin. It was noticable, but he was sure that it would fool most of his friends.

Well, except for Cyrus.

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. He couldn't believe that he told Cyrus about Anthony hitting him. Cyrus was already worried enough about him as it was, and now he had added another thing for Cyrus to worry about...

God, he was an idiot.

He didn't deserve Cyrus's worry. He didn't deserve anything from Cyrus; his friendship, his affection, his worry, his touch -

 _Nope. Not gonna think about that._  TJ told himself firmly, ridding himself of the thought. He was not going down that road today.

TJ screwed the cap back onto the concealer and left the bathroom, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He could wallow in self hatred later. It was time for school.

*****

Cyrus was sitting at a table outside with Andi and Buffy, his head resting in his hands as he idly listened to their conversation, putting in the occasional word or two. He was far too preoccupied, and he couldn't stop thinking about everything he had read online last night about touch starvation.

_Symptom 1: Aversion to physical contact._

The flinching, the moving away when other people touched him, racing out of the spoon when Cyrus tried to hug him. Check.

_Symptom 2: Aggressive behavior_

Well, that was one wasn't too much of a stretch. Before TJ and Cyrus were friends, TJ had been awful to Buffy, as well as most of the basketball team. He was much better now, but there was no denying that aggression was one symptom that TJ exibited.

_Symptom 3: High stress levels._

TJ  _did_ seem to be much more stressed out recently, always racing away in the middle of conversations and stuttering over his words. Another check.

_Symptom 4: Fear of attatchment and unsatisfying relationships_

Reed. Kira. Both people that TJ had been friends with, despite the fact that they were definitely dragging him down. And fear of attatchment... well, that could explain the aggression. Maybe TJ lashed out because he was afraid of getting too close to people...

" - you think, Cyrus?"

"Huh?" Cyrus snapped out of his musings, looking up to see both Andi and Buffy staring at him expectantly. "S-sorry, can you repeat the question?" Cyrus smiled sheepishly.

Buffy rolled her eyes fondly. "I _said_ , what do you think about you, me, and Andi going to the arcade after school?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Sounds good." Cyrus said distractedly, his mind already back on TJ.

Andi tilted her head at him, frowning. "Is everything okay, Cyrus?" She asked. "You've been awfully quiet. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" He said quickly. "I'm just... thinking, is all."

"About what?"

"Underdog!"

All three of them turned when they heard the familiar voice calling out to Cyrus. TJ was jogging up to their table, chocolate chip muffin in hand and a grin on his face. He looked fairly normal, but something twisted inside Cyrus when he saw TJ. Touch starvation. He knew what it was now.

"Hey." TJ said cheerfully, sitting down and plunking the muffin next to Cyrus. Cyrus raised his eyebrows. "Here you go. Had to piss a few people off to get it, but it's all yours."

"My hero." Cyrus said sarcastically, looking up to smile at TJ, then frowning. Something was... off with TJ's face, something he couldn't place.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who noticed, because as soon as Buffy looked up and saw TJ she furrowed her eyebrows. "Your black eye is gone, Kippen." She said.

Ah. So that was it.

"What black eye?" TJ said innocently, pulling his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it.

"You know, the very obvious and conspicuous black eye that you came in with yesterday, the one that you claim you received from walking into a doorframe." Buffy said, raising her eyebrows at TJ.

"Oh. That black eye." TJ said. Shit. He really didn't think this whole thing through. "It... must have just gone away." The excuse sounded flimsy, even to himself.

He was met with three pairs of extremely skeptical eyes. "Well.... okay, TJ, if you say so." Buffy said after a moment of slightly uncomfortable silence. She turned back to Andi, and the two girls struck up their conversation again.

Cyrus turned to look at him, his eyes concerned. "You okay, TJ?" He said quietly, so only TJ could hear. "I know that bruise didnt just go away. Nothing... happened yesterday, right?"

TJ went pink, looking at his lap. He already regret telling Cyrus and causing him to worry. "No." He said quickly. "I just... I didn't want everyone staring and it and assuming things, so I just covered it up. I'm okay, I promise."

TJ looked back up to meet Cyrus's eye. Cyrus was looking at him with an odd expression on his face, one that TJ couldn't identify. Cyrus reached out, hesitating for a moment before placing his hand over TJ's, which was resting on the table. TJ instinctively went stiff, overcome with the uncomfortably familiar prickling feeling that accompanied the contact. His hand felt overly hot, and suddenly every part of his skin that wasn't currently in contact with Cyrus's turned cold.

Cyrus didn't seem to notice TJ stiffen, and squeezed TJ's hand comfortingly. "Let me know if you need anything." He said quietly, and before TJ could ask him what he meant, Cyrus turned his head away and quickly jumped into Andi and Buffy's conversation, leaving TJ staring at him comfusedly.

Cyrus didn't remove his hand from TJ's for the entire conversation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment with thoughts and suggestions!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus confronts TJ, it doesn't go well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof

Cyrus really was planning on letting the whole thing go.

He didn't feel great about it, and sure, it was far from ideal, but it also definitely wasn't his buisness, so he was going to just try to help TJ as inadverdantly as possible, without getting directly involved.

But then TJ started coming to school with more and more bruises. When the others questioned him about them, he would dismiss the question and hastily change the subject. Cyrus was almost positive that those bruises were from TJ's mother's boyfriend, and combine all of that with the fact that TJ was flinching away from his touch more and more lately ...

Cyrus was at the point where he officially didn't know what to do.

He knew what he  _should_ do, of course. He knew that he  _should_ try to convince TJ to tell someone about what was happening, or try to tell someone himself. He had tried to do the same thing with the gun, hadn't he? And everything had turned out mostly fine.

But the gun situation was so much different than this one. This was something that, if it got out, it could potentially change TJ's life. Plus, he had  _promised_ TJ that he wouldn't tell anyone. It definitely wasn't the smartest promise he had ever made, but he had done it, and breaking TJ's trust was the last thing he wanted to do.

But maybe he  _had_ to break TJ's trust in this situation. Sure he might be mad at Cyrus for a while, but it would be better for him in the long run, right?

Right?

But no... going behind TJ's back wouldn't help either, because what if TJ was so set on no one knowing that he completely denied the abuse? And if he denied it, and there was no proof that anything was happening, then it could all be a massive waste of time and not to anyone any good.

What he had to do... what he had to do was get TJ to tell someone himself. Or if not, at least get TJ out of the house as much as possible, and maybe even get him to accept help from someone. Was it overstepping TJ's bounderies? Maybe, but what other choice did Cyrus have? He couldn't let this continue. He  _couldn't._ He hated seeing TJ hurt.

So, that was it then. He was going to have to talk to TJ.

******

"Out of my way, assholes!"

TJ manuvered to the front of the breakfast line, snatching the last chocolate muffin from the tray, earning a glare from the curly-haired girl at the front of the line who was about to take it.

"Not cool, Kippen." The girl said crossly, folding her arms and frowning at him. The rest of the people in the line chorused their agreements, and TJ grinned, sticking up his middle finger at the line as he walked out of the cafeteria to his locker.

He opened his locker, glancing down at the muffin in his hands that he had gotten (completely fairly, of course) for Cyrus. He hoped Cyrus would appreciate the gesture.

"Hey, TJ."

Speaking of Cyrus...

TJ turned around, frowning when he saw that rather than his usual bright smile and greeting, Cyrus had a serious, resigned look on his face.

Well, shit.

"Yeah?" He responded, leaning against his locker and folding his arms, then wincing when the movement aggrivated the injuries around his arms and collarbone. Anthony had been in a particularly bad mood last night, but it was fine. His mother had patched him up the best she could, and he was fine.

He was _fine_.

"What's up, Cy?"

Cyrus glanced around furtively, as if to make sure no one was listening, then looked back at TJ, lowering his voice. "I think we need to talk."

Double shit.

"Er, okay." TJ said, his heart rate spiking. "What about?"

"Somewhere more private, maybe?" Cyrus glanced around again. "Don't want anyone to overhear."

Well, this definitely wasn't good.

"Oh. Um. Okay. Outside, maybe?"

Cyrus nodded, reaching out and taking TJ's hand, making TJ inhale sharply. He led TJ out of the crowded hallway and into the courtyard, which was empty, since classes were about to start for the day. It was eerily quiet without the usual chatter of their classmates to fill it.

"Cy, we're gonna be late for class." TJ said with forced casualness as they both sat down at one of the many empty tables.

"I don't care." Cyrus replied. TJ noticed that even though they were sitting across from eachother, Cyrus still hadn't let go of TJ's hand. The thought filled his stomach with something unfamiliar, and slightly giddy. Cyrus had been holding his hand a lot more lately. He hadn't given an explanation for the sudden increase in physical contact, but... it was nice, he thought with a small smile.

"TJ, I really think we need to talk about this." Cyrus said gently, interrupting his musings.

All of the giddiness quickly fled his stomach, leaving in its place an uncomfortable anxious feeling that clawed up and settled itself uncomfortably in the back of TJ's throat. "U-um, what about, Cy?" He stammered, cursing himself silently when his voice trembled slightly. Cyrus was looking at him with a strange expression on his face, and TJ squirmed, feeling as though he was being x-rayed.

"You know what, TJ." He replied gently.

Before TJ could protest, Cyrus gently turned TJ's hand over and began to pull TJ's sleeve up. TJ watched, too stunned to move away, as Cyrus raised his sleeve up to his elbow, exposing the dark, fingershaped marks that still marred his tan skin.

They both stared at the bruises for a moment. "It's getting worse, TJ." Cyrus said, reaching his other hand up to brush the skin against TJ's arm.

TJ jerked his hand away from Cyrus's, regretting it almost immidietely when it caused all of the warmth to leave his hand, leaving it feeling cold and shivery. TJ tugged his sleeve down and crossed his arms, feeling defensive. "It's not that bad." He said, frowning at Cyrus. "He was just... in a bad mood last night. He didn't even mean to hurt my wrist, he just... held it a little too tightly." That wasn't  _exactly_ a lie, he was sure that Anthony hadn't meant to leave bruises... at least not on his wrist. "It doesn't even hurt, not really, it - "

"TJ." Cyrus's voice was enough to make TJ quickly fall silent. "It's not fine. You  _know_ it's not fine, TJ, you're not stupid."

TJ just glanced at his lap, because no, he wasn't stupid, he knew that Anthony could probably get into trouble for what he was doing to him and his mother. But as cruel as Anthony was, his mother loved him, and any time TJ would try to tell her that what he was doing was wrong, his mother would snap at him, saying that they needed Anthony to help pay for the house and school stuff. "I know it's not fine." He finally replied gently, still avoiding Cyrus' eyes, not wanting to see the pity that was sure to be in them. "But my mom needs Anthony, and if he has to knock me around a little bit in order to stay, then I just have to deal with - "

"TJ, no matter how angry he gets at you, he doesn't have a right to hit you." TJ glances up in surprise at how firm Cyrus sounded. "You may think that your mom needs him, and that it's worth getting "knocked around a little bit", but the truth is, he's doing a lot more harm than help. And I can gurantee you, no matter how much you think your mom needs him, she doesn't - "

"You know, I don't think you get it, Cyrus." TJ interrupted, feeling a flash of anger go through him. Cyrus stopped talking in surprise. "Your parents are _shrinks_ , Cyrus. You've never had to worry about whether or not you're gonna be able to pay the water bill next week, or how many days a week you can afford to eat dinner, or about how many extra shifts you can take at your part time job and still have time to finish your homework - you've never had to think about _any_ of that, Cyrus, because you have two parents who have decent jobs and actually care about you."

"TJ - " Cyrus said, looking shocked, "I didn't - "

"My mom works minimum wage." TJ interrupted, too worked up to stop at this point. His brain was screaming at him that he shouldn't lash out at Cyrus, that this wasn't at all his fault, but he couldn't stop the words from continuing to pour from his mouth. "And you know, she tries her best, but it's not enough for the both of us. Having Anthony around sucks. It  _fucking_ sucks. But you know what, Cyrus? He pays the damn bills."

Cyrus now had tears in his eyes, and he was staring at TJ, frozen, his hands trembling. He didn't say anything. He didn't seem like he could.

"I'm going to class." TJ huffed, standing up and dumping the chocolate muffin that he had gotten earlier that day in front of Cyrus. Cyrus glanced down at it, his eyes filling with tears again. "Goodbye, Cyrus." With that, he slung his back over his shoulder and stalked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how shit this was, I just really wanted to get a chapter out
> 
> Don't forget to comment thoughts/suggestions, they make the chapters come faster
> 
> Hope you're all having a good day <3 you matter, don't forget it


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never seen you look so miserable, Kippen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But seriously. Can we just talk about that final episode?
> 
> Lady gaga? WIRED.
> 
> Muffy? TOP TIER.
> 
> Tyrus? CANON BITCH WE DID IT!!!!
> 
> (Also Luke... honey... T H E L O N I U S.... that's the worst name ever and I adore it)
> 
> Anyway enjoy this kinda short chapter

TJ really didn't mean to yell at Cyrus.

That didn't excuse it, of course, he knew that, but he was just so _angry,_ angry at Anthony, his mother, at _everyone,_ and he had taken it all out on Cyrus, who was the last person to deserved his anger. It wasn't Cyrus's fault that he didn't know what it was like, he was only trying to help.

And TJ had fucked it up. Yet again.

He walked into the cafeteria hesitantly, his eyes scanning the tables until he spotted Cyrus. Cyrus was sitting with his head down at a table, a downcast expression on his face, and Andi and Buffy were rubbing his back consolingly, saying things that TJ couldn't make out from across the room.

TJ felt guilt churn in his stomach. Was he the cause of Cyrus' distress? He felt awful.

He wanted to go up and apologize right then and there, but Andi and Buffy were both with him, and they were guranteed to not be very happy with him right now. He knew how scarily protective they were of Cyrus, and he wasn't quite sure he wanted to endure their collective wrath just yet. But he was going to have to apologize eventually...

While he was debating what to do, Buffy glanced up from the table, and TJ hurriedly ducked out the cafeteria before Buffy could see him. He decided that maybe today he'd go eat lunch outside.

So that's where he was right now, sitting at a lone table and scrolling through his phone methodically, the words blurring in his vision. He just had to kill fifteen more minutes before lunch was over, just fifteen minutes -

"I don't think I've ever seen you looking so miserable, Kippen."

TJ jumped, turning around in his seat. Buffy was standing a few feet away from him, her arms folded and expression was unreadable.

TJ turned back around, staring desolately at the table. "You can spare me the lecture, Buffy." He said, not looking up. "I feel shitty enough as it is."

"I'm not here to lecture you, TJ." Buffy sat down next to him slowly, leaving a few inches distance between them. She glanced sideways at him. "I'm not mad at you."

TJ looked up, surprised. "You're not?" He asked. "But I upset Cyrus. You'd usually lynch me for something like that."

"Yeah, I know." Buffy smiled gently. "But I know how much you care about him, and I know you didn't do it on purpose. Besides, I figured there wasn't much point in getting angry with you if I don't even know what's going on."

"Cyrus didn't tell you?"

Buffy shook her head. "I thought maybe you might be able to."

TJ exhaled, running a hand through his hair and putting his head down on the table, facing away from Buffy "It's kind of hard to talk about." He admitted.

"You don't have to tell me everything. Whatever you want to tell me is fine." Buffy sounded unusually serious, and she reached out to put a hand on TJ's back, but quickly tugged it back when she saw TJ tense up.

TJ shrugged, keeping his head on the table. "I told Cyrus something, and he tried to give me advice on how to deal with it, and... I don't know, I got angry at him. It's my fault."

"No, it's not. It's happened to me before, too." TJ furrowed his eyebrows, and Buffy elaborated. "Cyrus is a problem solver by nature. If you tell him about a problem or a situation, he'll assume you want it fixed. And don't get me wrong, I love him for it, but... I understand it can be a lot sometimes."

"But he's right, Buffy. He's always right, and he never gets a big head about it, and that's what's so frustrating about him." TJ laughed humorlessly, sitting back up and meeting Buffy's eyes. "I just don't want to admit that he's right about this."

Buffy tilted her head curiously. "Right about what?"

"About..." TJ sighed, putting his head in his hands. He kneades his forehead in between his hands, feeling the beginning of a headache forming near his temple. Great. "About nothing. It doesn't matter."

Buffy was silent at that, and TJ could practically feel the skepticism she was radiating. But she didn't comment on it. "I think you should talk to him." She said instead. "He cares about you."

"Yeah, I know. I care about him, too."

"I know. So you should start acting like it." With that Buffy stood from the table, silently heading back towards the building, leaving TJ alone at the table, his head still in his hands.

sksksksksk

"Tell me what he said again."

Buffy sighed impatiently over the phone. "What more do you want me to say, Cy? He said he felt awful and wanted to apologize."

Cyrus flopped onto his bed in frustration, his phone laying on his desk, still on speaker. "But did he say anything else? Besides that he was sorry?"

"I don't know, Cyrus! I don't remember it word for word!" Buffy paused for a moment, and there was a faint rustling heard on her end. "He said... that you were right about something?"

Cyrus raised his eyebrows. "Really?" He asked, turning to lay down on his side and face his phone. He didn't think that TJ would actually agree with him, not yet at least. "Did he say what about?"

"I don't know, he was being all vague about it. You know how he is, you have to practically force things out of him if you want him to tell you anything." Buffy said. "Do you know what he's talking about?"

Cyrus paused. "I... may have an idea." He said evasively.

There was another pause, and Cyrus could hear muffled shouting on the other end. "I have to go, my dad wants me for dinner. See you tomorrow?" Without waiting for a response she hung up, leaving the dial tone blaring through Cyrus' room.

Cyrus reached over and turned his phone off, exhaling and faceplanting into his pillows.

This was definitely less than ideal. _Yeah, no shit, sherlock,_ the cynical voice in his head supplied.

_Just_ when the drama seemed to be over and things were getting better between him and TJ, _thi_ _s_ had to happen and TJ was hurting because of it and now they were fighting _again_.

Well. They weren't _fighting,_ not really.TJ had blown up at him, sure, but he knew there was a lot going on with TJ and Cyrus couldn't really blame him for getting angry.

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't upset about it

Cyrus stood from his bed, grabbing his phone and shrugging on his jacket. He needed to go think, and he figured he'd go on a walk to clear his head a bit.

"Mom, I'm heading out!" He called as he exited his room, fumbling with his keys before pushing open the front door, feeling the wind play across his face.

"Be back before eight!" He heard her call after him before he closed the door.

sksksksksksksksk

Somehow Cyrus ended up back at the park, staring desolately at the empty swings that were gently swaying in the wind. He couldn't bring himself to actually swing, so he just sat cross-legged in the mulch across from them, his chin resting on his palms. The sun was just beginning to set, and besides the slight creak of the swings and the faint rustling of the wind, everything quiet. For the first time in a while, Cyrus's head was empty. He wasn't worried about school or grades or TJ, he was just... there. His mind was blank, and he was focused on nothing but the sun slowly sinking below the horizon.

_Wait._

Cyrus suddenly sat up straighter, frowning. That _wasn't_ the wind rustling.

That sounded like something moving.

Cyrus tilted his head, sure he was mishearing. But no, coming from somewhere to his left was the unmistakable sound of unsteady breathing, punctuated by an occasional sniffle.

He wasn't alone.

Cyrus slowly stood, taking extra care to not make any noise to not scare whoever it was away, and slowly started walking towards the direction of the noise. It was coming from somewhere to his left, behind a stone wall, and he turned the corner of the sidewalk to see a figure hunched in the grass near a large oak tree. A boy.

His entire body was wracked with shiveres, and Cyrus could now hear the occasional hiccuping sob that accompanied each exhale. His shoes were scuffed, his arms were wrapped around his knees, and, Cyrus realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach, he was wearing a camouflage hoodie.

An _awfully familiar_ camouflage hoodie.

_No._

"...TJ?"

The figure's head whipped up, and Cyrus found himself staring at the wide-eyed, tear-stained, bruise-covered face of TJ Kippen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: burns, cigarette/smoking, somewhat graphic child abuse, blood

"Cyrus!" TJ sat up straighter, quickly rubbing his cheeks in a futile attempt to rid them of the tears that were still pouring from his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?! And what happened to you?" Cyrus said, quickly dropping to his knees so he could get a better look at TJ's face. His nose was bleeding, his upper lip was split, and his left eye was nearly swollen shut and staring to turn purple. His hoodie, his favorite hoodie, had small circular holes charred into the sleeves, the edges marred with black, singed material. Streaks of blood mingled with the tear tracks that still glittered on his cheeks. "God, you look awful, TJ." Cyrus whispered.

"Yeah." TJ laughed humorlessly, bringing a trembling hand up to wipe his eyes again, staining the sleeve of his hoodie a faint pink color. He didn't seem to notice "Getting the shit kicked out of you will do that."

"What...?" Cyrus felt his concern rise even more, watching another tear slide silently down TJ's cheek. "TJ, what happened?" He asked quietly, reaching out and wiping the tear away with him thumb. TJ shivered, leaning into the touch. "Please, tell me."

"Cyrus, I..." TJ suddenly let out another sob, biting down harshly on the sleeve of his hoodie in an attempt to muffle the sound. He trembled silently for another moment, his sleeve still clamped tightly to his mouth. "Cyrus, I'm sorry. You were right. I should have listened to you. He..."

_TJ entered his house after school and immidiately started coughing, bringing his shirt up to cover his nose as the smell of cigarette smoke filled his lungs. He_ hated _when Anthony smoked in the house, and he knew his mother hated it too, but he never stopped._

_Of course he never stopped. TJ was sick of it. Anthony never listened to his mother, he was awful and rude and disrespectful and -_

_"Hey! Quit standing in the doorway, asshole!" Anthony called from the dining room table. He took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled, the disgusting smoke filling the air. "Get inside!"_

_TJ did, stepping into his house and closing the door. He glared at Anthony. "Mom told you not to smoke in the house."_

_"Well, your mother's not here, is she?" He said smugly, making a show of taking another drag and blowing the smoke in TJ's direction. TJ wrinkled his nose. "She's too stuck up about that kind of thing, she needs to learn to live with it._ "

_"Or maybe you could just do what she says for once." TJ said, crossing his arms._ What are you doing?? _The voice in his head demanded,_ stop, you're going to get yourself hurt! _TJ ignored it._

_Anthony raised his eyebrows. "Are you actually talking back to me, Kippen?" He said, standing from his chair and slowly walking towards TJ. "Because I think we both know where that'll get you."_

Yeah, we do. _"Well, maybe I'm just sick of you disrespecting my mom." TJ shot back at him. "You're awful to her, you never do what she - "_

_Anthony suddenly lunged foward, grabbing TJ's arm and bringing it towards him, gripping his wrist tightly. "I'm awful to her, huh?" He said quietly, his voice filled with rage. He twisted TJ's arm painfully, and TJ bit his lip to keep from crying out. "_ _You really want to go down that road? Because at least I - " He gripped TJ's arm tighter, tight enough to bruise, "Don't sit around on my ass all day, and at least I actually provide for this goddamn household, and at least_ I _help to provide for_ your _ungrateful ass."_

_"I don't remember asking you to do that." TJ sneered. "I can take care of mys - "_

_TJ cut himself off with a cry of pain as Anthony suddenly took his cigarette out of his mouth and slammed the lit end against TJ's forearm, burning the skin underneath his hoodie. TJ gasped, attemting to pull his arm away from the searing pain, but Anthony's grip on his arm was too tight._

_Anthony grinned, enjoying TJ's discomfort. "Yeah, that doesn't feel great, does it?" He let go of TJ's arm, and TJ stumbled backwards, gripping his arm tightly. Anthony reached foward and seized TJ by the collar, dragging him close. TJ's eyes widened in fear. "Now you listen to me, you ungrateful little shit." He said, shaking TJ's collar. "You_ need _me here, you understand that? You and your mom wouldn't be anywhere without me to help out, you understand, Kippen?" When TJ didn't respond, he shook him again. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"_

_For a moment after that, TJ was dead silent. Then, the terror in his eyes turned into fury. "Go to hell." He spat._

_SMACK!_

_Anthony's fist connected with TJ's eye, and he collapsed to the floor, crying out as the pain blinded him. He felt a foot collide painfully with his face again, and he whimpered, bringing his hands up to cover his face protectively, only to have them pried away and pinned down at his sides._

_It was relentless. TJ cried out as Anthony's fist punched him over and over, TJ desperately fought against him_ _, but it was useless; Anthony was much bigger than him, and had him completely pinned._ _There was nothing TJ could do but curl up as tightly as he could and pray for the blows to stop, please -_

_"Hey! What the_ hell _is going on here?!"_

_Suddenly the blows stopped and the weight holding him down dissapeared, and TJ quickly opened his eyes and scrambled to sit up to see who had spoken. His eyes were watering and his vision was painfully constricted on his left side, but there was no mistaking it; his mother was home._

_"Rebecca!" Anthony said, his voice suprised. "You're home early."_

_"What the hell is wrong with you?! That is my_ son, _you don't get to put your hands on him!"_

_"Funny, I didn't see you complain much before. You said you wanted him more disiplined - "_

_"Don't pin this on me, you bastard! This is not disipline, this is abuse! If this is how you're gonna treat him, then you can get the fuck out of my house!"_

_"Oh please, the little bastard had it coming."_

_"Don't fucking call him that! At least he - "_

_Wrapped up in their argument, neither his mom nor Anthony noticed TJ stand shakily and slip out the front door._

"I ran here after that." TJ said, his voice breaking. "I didn't know where else to go."

"TJ..." Cyrus looked like he didn't know what to say. TJ didn't blame him. "I'm so - "

"Don't say you're sorry." TJ interrupted softly, shaking his head. "It's not your fault. If anything, I should say sorry to you. You were right, I didn't listen, and... well, look what happened." He gestured vaguely to himself.

"TJ, this is _not your fault._ " Cyrus said firmly. "This is nobody's fault but his. None of that is on you, you understand?"

_"You understand, Kippen?"_

_"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"_

"TJ?" Cyrus' voice sounded muffled qnd far away, as if it had been dipped in molasses. "You with me?"

"Huh?" TJ's head snapped up again. "Oh, y-yeah, sorry. I understand, Cyrus." He still felt like he should apologize, because _god_ Cyrus didn't deserve his anger for one second, but Cyrus clearly wasn't having it.

They were silent for a moment. Neither one knew what to say, so they just sat, Cyrus looking at TJ, TJ looking at his lap.

_Bum ba bum bum ba BUM BUM BUM -_

The silence was broken by TJ's ringtone blaring loudly from inside his pocket, and he jumped, quickly fumbling to get his phone out. He glanced at the screen.

_MOM is calling..._

_accept - decline_

TJ felt anxiety quickly pool in his stomach. "Uh - hold on, I gotta take this." He said when Cyrus tilted his head questioningly. He stood, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and stepped away towards the other side of the park, not wanting Cyrus to hear any of the conversation in case things went wrong.

He hesitantly clicked the _accept_ button and held his phone up to his ear. "H - hello?"

"TJ?" His mother's voice was quick and panicky. "TJ, where are you?"

"At... at the park, mom."

"Are you okay??"

_Was he okay?_ His eye was throbbing painfully, his nose ached, and the small circular burns on his arm still stung. "Y-yeah, mom, I'm alright. A little beat up, but I'm okay."

"Oh, thank god." His mother let out a shaky breath. "I'm... I'm sorry, TJ." TJ raised his eyebrows. His mother was apologizing to him? "I had no idea things were so bad with you and Anthony. I thought I could handle it myself, I should have known he wouldn't listen to me when I told him to leave you alone."

"I... it's okay, mom." TJ, not really knowing what else to say. He felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes again, and he desperately fought against them, because he was _not_ going to cry again today, no way. "Does that mean... Anthony's not coming back?"

"Yes, TJ. He's never going to step foot in our house again."

"But what about rent?"

"We can manage. We did it before, we can do it again. Now, can you please come home? I need to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, okay, sure. I'll be there soon, okay?"

"Please hurry." With that she hung up, leaving the dial tone ringing in TJ's ear. TJ sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket and walking back over to Cyrus, who was looking at him quizzically.

"That was my mom. She's really worried. She... she wants me home." TJ shifted his feet in the mulch, avoiding Cyrus' eye. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, Cy."

TJ turned around, but before he could walk away Cyrus reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Wait, TJ."

TJ stopped, tensing up slightly at the feeling of Cyrus' warm palm against his skin. before slowly turning back around to face Cyrus. He glanced down at Cyrus's hand, which still had a gentle hold on his wrist then back up to meet his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Do you want a hug?"

Silence.

TJ looked stunned. His face had gone white as a sheet, and his entire body had frozen up as if there was ice in his veins. His face showed a million conflicting emotions all at once, shock, confusion, apprehension, hope, and fear flashed in his eyes in the span of seconds. "...What?" He whispered, barely audible.

"A _hug,_ TJ." Cyrus looked absolutely heartbroken, his voice breaking slightly on TJ's name. "Do you want a hug?"

"I... I don't..." His throat felt like it had closed up. Every other thought in his head had come to a screeching halt, because _a hug? An actual, honest-to-goodess hug_ _?_ _And Cyrus... wanted to?_ He could feel his heart rate speed up at the thought, and goosebumps went down his back, and god he wished he could remember how to talk so he could say something to Cyrus, who was still waiting for an answer -

"If - if you don't want to, that's fine." Cyrus, clearly taking TJ's silence as a no, quickly stammered out, "I was just offering, because I thought after this whole situation you might want to - "

Cyrus was interrupted by TJ practically flinging himself into Cyrus' arms. Cyrus let out an _oof!_ and stumbled several steps backwards before they both collapsed into the soft grass, and Cyrus' knee collided painfully with a jagged rock that was sticking out of the dirt but he didn't even care because TJ was clinging to Cyrus as if he was the only thing keeping him alive, and it only took a moment for Cyrus to realize what was happening and wrap his arms tightly around TJ in return.

Sensations immidiately flooded TJ all at once so fast that he felt dizzy, and his lungs were working again and he was breathing in great gasps, almost hyperventilating because _holy god damn shit_ Cyrus's skin against his felt like white hot electricity coursing through his veins, and Cyrus had one arm around his neck and the other hand rubbing firm circles into his back, and TJ had his head against Cyrus' shoulder both hands around Cyrus' waist and was holding him as if he would never see him again and _wow,_ no amount of hot showers or weighted blankets could ever hold a candle, because _this_ was the most wonderful, terrifying sensation he had ever expirianced. TJ felt tears spring to his eyes again, soaking the shoulder of Cyrus' tshirt, and Cyrus just wrapped his arms around TJ tighter.

TJ didn't know exactly how long they sat there, wrapped in eachother's arms. At one point Cyrus moved the hand up that was resting against TJ's shoulder to card gently through his hair, and TJ actually whimpered because the feeling was so nice. It was all so new to him, and he tried to absorb every single sensation that he could pinpoint; the firm but pleasent pressure as Cyrus ran a hand up and down his back, his palm pressing against TJ's spine, the tingly scratching of Cyrus' blunt nails against his scalp as fingers ran through his hair, the faint drumming of Cyrus' beating heart against his chest, the tickle of Cyrus' hair that brushed against his cheek. Every single sensation combined to create a feeling that was intoxicating, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life like this.

TJ felt his heart sink when Cyrus' slowly pulled away from the hug to look at TJ, and for a moment his entire body felt like it had been submerged in ice water. But Cyrus seemes preoccupied, looking at TJ's lip, concerned. "You're bleeding again." He said.

"Huh?" TJ moved his hand to touch the cut on his lip, and his fingers came back bloody. He saw that Cyrus' tshirt was also spotted with red and flushed. "Oh. Sorry."

"No! No, don't apologize." Cyrus put his finger under TJ's chin, gently tilting his head up to meet his eyes. Cyrus pulled his sleeve over his hand and gently wiped the blood from TJ's upper lip, and TJ leaned into the touch. "The hug was nice. Really nice."

TJ laughed, tears falling from eyes again. "Yeah. It was nice." Nice didn't even _begin_ to describe it. "I've never... felt anything like that before."

Cyrus smiled sadly, rubbing his thumb against TJ's uninjured cheek. "Yeah. I know." He said. "That's why you haven't been sleeping well, right? And why you slept a weighted blanket, and why you always avoid people when they try to touch you - "

TJ winced. "Shit, you noticed that?"

"It... was kind of hard not to notice. Even Jonah was starting to get worried about you, and... well, you know how he is." Cyrus tilted his head. "You've wanted to do this for a long time, haven't you? But you've just been too afraid to ask?"

TJ looked at his lap, feeling heat creep into his cheeks once again. "I didn't want anyone to worry about me." He said quietly, staring resolutely at his knees. "I figured if I just... didn't acknowledge it, it wouldn't matter."

"You know that's not how it works, TJ." Cyrus' hand moved from his cheek to his neck, scratching his fingers across the nape of his neck. "There's nothing wrong with needing physical contact from people. And there's no shame in asking for it. I know I'll always be happy to give it to you, and I'm sure Andi, Buffy, and Jonah would be too."

"... Really?" He said hopefully, his voice breaking

"Really." Cyrus said, nodding.

"Oh. Then..." TJ stood up and smiled, somewhat shyly, "Cyrus, can I have anothet hug?"

Cyrus grinned. "Of course, you dork. Come here." Cyrus also stood and held out his arms, and this time TJ didn't hesitate to move into them. And as TJ rested his chin on Cyrus's shoulder and they both swayed gently with the wind, TJ thought that maybe things were going to be okay.

Maybe he was gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: okay, brain, time to write the emotional climax of the story. Everything has built up to this moment. What do you have for me?
> 
> Brain:
> 
> Brain: 
> 
> Brain:
> 
> Brain: u should make tj's ring tone the wii theme song
> 
> Me: n-no, I meant like -
> 
> Braid: D O I T
> 
> But also like... damn, I want a hug now :(
> 
> Please comment with thoughts/suggestions! The next chapter is gonna be pretty much entirely fluff, so...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ opens up to someone unexpected about his situation. A lot of very shameless fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We stan Joshua Rush a disaster bicon
> 
> (I'm so proud of him for coming out yall you dont even knowwww)
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

 

_One new text from: muffin <3_

_muffin <3: Good morning tj :))_

_Kinda Cute_ _Basketball Guy: morning cy_

_Kinda Cute_ _Basketball Guy: whats up?_

_muffin <3: Just wondering if you're gonna be at school today?_

_Kinda Cute_ _Basketball Guy: ye_

_Kinda Cute_ _Basketball Guy: my mom wanted me to take a day off but i have a math test that i cant miss so \\_(ツ)/_ _im outside rn_

_muffin <3: Wow, look at you being responsible_

_Kinda Cute_ _Basketball Guy: suprised?_

_muffin <3: Nope. Just proud._

_muffin <3: See you soon <3_

TJ felt his face heat up at the small heart that Cyrus left at the end of his text, and he bit his lip to keep his smile from showing as sat in the courtyard and waited for Cyrus to show up.

He was a bit earlier than he usually was, but there were still a handful of students outside, waiting for the doors to open for the day. Some gave his bruised eye and split lip odd looks, and one girl that he vaguely recognized as being on the cheerleading team asked if he was okay, but for the most part they left him alone, which he was thankful for. He wasn't ready to deal with an interrogation today. Not that he wasn't almost definitely going to get one from Andi and Buffy later, but he wanted to put it off for as long as he could.

"Hey, Teej."

A pair of arms were wrapped around his shoulders. TJ glanced to his side, grinning when he saw Cyrus' chin resting against his shoulder. "You know, the only reason you're able to hug me from behind like this is because I'm sitting and you're standing up."

Cyrus made a face of mock offense. "Are you bullying me for being shorter than you?"

"Well, at least you're self aware."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I grew at least three inches since I first met you." Cyrus smiled, sitting next to TJ and pressing their knees together, keeping an arm wrappes tightly around his shoulders. "How are you today, TJ?" He asked, rubbing circles into TJ's shoulder with his thumb.

"A bit achey, but much better." He replied, wrapping both of his arms around Cyrus's waist. "I think I like hugging." He decided matter-of-factly, resting his cheek on Cyrus' shoulder. "Very warm. It's nice."

Cyrus giggled. "Oh my god, you're adorable." He said quietly, laughing when TJ went red and began to protest indignantly. "Don't even try to deny it, Kippen. You've come a long way from scary basketball guy."

"Are you saying I'm not scary anymore?"

"Maybe to some people you might be, but it's a bit hard to be scared of you right now when you're clinging to me like a kitten."

"I resent that."

"Sure you do, TJ." Cyrus moved his hand to thread through TJ's hair, and TJ sighed contentedly, hooking his and Cyrus' ankles together.

They both sat in comfortable silence until the doors opened and the students all started to flood from the building. TJ regretfully untangled himself from Cyrus, and the both stood from their table. "See you at lunch?" TJ said hopefully, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Always." Cyrus replied, briefly lacing their fingers together. He hesitated only for a moment before leaning foward and gently kissing TJ's cheek. "Bye." He whispered, detatching their hands and turning to walk towards the school. TJ felt his cheeks rapidly heating again, and he couldn't keep the stupid grin off of his face for all of first period.

*****

Cyrus was sitting at an empty lunch table with a book in his lap when Buffy sat down across from him, looking worried. "Cyrus!" She said loudly, making Cyrus jump, quickly closing his book.

"No need to yell. What's up?"

"Did you see TJ today?" She demanded. "He looks awful, he's all covered in bruises!"

"You're... worried?"

Of couese I'm worried!" Buffy said impatiently. "We've let this go on long enough, we need to make him tell us what's really going on! If he's still getting into fights like this, I really think - "

"He's not." Cyrus said hurriedly. He was worried that the others, especially Buffy, would get too skeptical of TJ's ever-growing list of excuses for his injuries. "I really think we should just let TJ come to us with this - "

"No, Cyrus! At this rate, we'll never find out what's really going on if we don't press him on it!" Buffy argued, her voice rising. "I know he's not gonna love it, but he might get seriously hurt! We have to help him."

"I know, Buffy, I really do." Cyrus said, reaching across the table and taking both of her hands in his. Buffy's expression softened, and she squeezed his hands back, giving him a small smile. "But I talked to TJ yesterday, and it's not going to keep happening. Trust me."

"How are you so sure?" Buffy narrowed her eyes suddenly. "Wait. Did he tell _you_ what's going on?"

"Well..." Shit. How much of what happened yesterday with TJ should he reveal? Should he reveal _any_ of it? It all seemed incredibly personal, and even if Anthony _was_ gone for good (which TJ had hastened to assure him was the case,) Cyrus didn't want to tell anything without TJ's permission.

"... Yes, so some extent." Cyrus finally admitted after a few seconds of thought. "But... I'm sorry, Buffy, it's really not my place to tell you guys."

Buffy opened her mouth to protest, then closed it, sighing. Cyrus frowned. He knew how much Buffy hated being left in the dark. "Tell you what. If it happens again, I'll press him on it. Trust me, I don't want him to get hurt either."

Buffy smiled softly at him. "Okay." She said. "I trust you, Cy. I'll leave him alone."

"Good." Cyrus nodded, pulling his hands away and folding them neatly on the table in front of him. He then spotted a familiar figure behind Buffy and smiled. "Speaking of TJ..."

TJ was standing across the cafeteria, leaning against the wall and talking to Marty. Marty was narrating a story with large, animated gestures and exaggerated expressions, and TJ was watching him with an amused look on his face.

"Huh. Guess they finally met each other." Buffy remarked, and Cyrus chuckled.

TJ then he spotted Cyrus, and his face lit up, and he nudged Marty. Marty turned to grin at them, and they both quickly approached the table. "Hey, Cy!" TJ said cheerfully, moving to take the seat next to Cyrus. Marty followed, sitting next to Buffy.

Buffy raised her eyebrows when TJ easily rested his head against Cyrus' shoulder and wrapped an arm around Cyrus' middle. "You're awfully affectionate today, Kippen." She said, glancing between the two of them with a confused smile. "Am I missing something here?"

"Nope!" Cyrus said cheerfully, putting his arm around TJ's shoulder. "Just a couple of guys being dudes, you know. Dudes being bros." TJ sat up and gave Cyrus a look of such utter bewilderment that Cyrus couldn't help but laugh.

"You're so weird, Cy." Buffy said, but she was smiling fondly as she shook her head, turning back to look at Marty. "I'm your girlfriend, Marty, why don't you act that sweet with me?"

"What, you want me to tell people that we're just "dudes being bros?""

"You know that's not what I meant, you goof."

Buffy and Marty continued to banter, and Cyrus and TJ watched silently. At some point in the conversation Cyrus' free hand found TJ's and they twined their fingers together. TJ grinned, putting his forehead in Cyrus' shirt to hide his blush. After a few moments Jonah joined their table, and if he were curious abour Cyrus' and TJ's close proximity, he didn't voice it, although he did give Cyrus a slightly knowing smile as he sat down.

"Andi told me to tell you guys that she's gonna be late." He said by way of greeting, tossing his bag on the table. "She'll be here in half an hour."

"Wow. Really useful heads up, Beck." Buffy said sarcastically. "That would have been really great to know _this morning,_ when we were actually _wondering_ where Andi was."

"Hey, it's not my fault she only just texted me, so you can quit being a bully."

"Oh, sure, a _bully..."_

Jonah and Buffy continued their playful bickering, TJ's phone chimed in his pocket. He sat up and pulled it out, squinting at the message displayed on his lockscreen.

_One new message from: andiman_

_i want to talk to you. meet me in the hallway if you can? i just got here_

TJ frowned. What had he done this time?

_Me: jonah said u were coming in 30mins ?_

_andiman: i just said that so id have time to talk to u before lunch ends. im in the hallway_ _near lockers_

That worried him even more. Andi was going out of her way to talk to him? What could she want from him? It wasn't as though Andi and him never talked, but they were more casual, say-hi-in-the-hallway type friends than serious-discussion friends. But he couldn't very well refuse, could he? He didn't want to be on Andi's bad side yet again.

_Me: ill be right there_

"Who is it?" Cyrus said, peering hopefully over his shoulder to glance at his phone.

TJ shut it off quickly. "Just someone from the team who wants to talk to me." He figured he might as well meet Andi now, so he regretfully removed his hand from Cyrus' and stood from the table. "I'll be right back." Cyrus looked like he wanted to stop him, but said nothing as TJ turned and left the cafeteria.

Andi was indeed waiting for him by the lockers, leaninf against the wall and scrolling through her phone absently. She looked up when she heard TJ approaching, smiling. "Hey, TJ, sorry for dragging you out of - " She cut herself off, her smile turning into an expression of shock when she looked closer at him. "What happened to you?"

"Huh? Oh." TJ had almost forgotten about his face. "Nothing, just got into a fight with a neiborhood dog."

Andi tilted her head. "Really?" She asked gently. "Because you've been getting into a lot of these... fights lately."

Her eyes moved from his black eye to his scabbed lip, then slowly down to his wrist, and he self-consciously tugged his sleeve down past his wrist. "What are you trying to imply?" He asked, somewhat defensively.

Andi shrugged. "Not implying anything. And anyway, that's not what I want to talk to you about. Come sit with me"

She plopped down onto the floor, cross legged, and looked up at TJ expectantly, waiting for him to follow suit. He slowly lowered himself down after her, drawing his knees up to his chest and leaning against the wall. "So, what's up?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I just wanted to ask you how things were with Cyrus." TJ must have looked confused, because she quickly elaborated, "I mean, after your fight."

"Oh." Yeah, they had fought, hadn't they? Yesterday's events had completely driven their argument from his mind. "Yeah, we're good now." He said dismissively, shrugging. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt Cyrus."

"I know you won't." She said with a smile. Her expression was kind, but also something else, something TJ couldn't put his finger on. Something _searching._ "I just wanted to ask you about it, since Cyrus would barely tell me anything."

"There's not much to say." TJ replied, turning his head away to look at the front wall instead of Andi. "It was mostly my fault, anyway. He tried to help me with something, I got defensive about it. I was the asshole."

"I don't think you're an asshole, TJ."

They both fell silent at that, and TJ felt oddly touched at the admission. Maybe he was closer to Andi than he originally thought. He hadn't had many positive experiences with the opposet sex before, and as much as he loved spending time with Cyrus, there was something _different_ about talking to Andi. She gave advice, but didn't pry, but was always willing to help, but never imposed. Andi, he realized, was a really good friend.

"It was my mom's boyfriend."

The words had come out of TJ's mouth before he realized what he was saying, and Andi quickly turned to look at him again, confusion visible on her face. "What was?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

TJ rubbed a hand across his face and sighed. Jesus, he was talking about this a lot more than he wanted to lately. But... something about Andi's expression made TJ want to tell her, to _trust_ her. He knew Andi wouldn't judge him, no matter what he told her.

Well, here goes nothing...

"The... the bruises. They're from my mom's boyfriend."

There were a few seconds of uncomprehension, Andi staring at him with tilted-head bewilderment. Then she understood, and her face went from confusion to shock and dawning horror. "Wait, you mean - "

"Yeah, he hit me. That's not all, either." He lifted his left arm and rolled the sleeve up to his elbow, exposing the peeling, reddish purple burns that still adorned his arm.

_"TJ,"_ Andi said, mouth gaping and aghast.

"It's fine." He quickly reassured her, rolling his sleeve back down and putting both arms in his lap. "He's gone now, and he's not coming back. So. It's not gonna happen anymore."

"But, wait," Andi said, "That means... all those times you hit your head on the doorframe, or someone on the team elbowed you in the face - "

"Yeah."

"God, TJ."

"Yeah. I know "

"Is there anything..." Andi paused, and TJ glanced over at her, leaning his head on the locker. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Thanks, Andi, but I don't think so. Wait," An idea suddenly came to TJ's head, and he flushed, feeling stupid. Cyrus had said she wouldn't mind, but actually _asking..._

Ah, what the hell.

"Maybe a hug?"

Andi grinned. "Didn't know you were a hugger, Kippen."

TJ shrugged. "I have layers."

Andi narrowed her eyes. "Was that a Shrek reference? Because I swear if it was TJ - "

"Hey, I'll have you know that Shrek is a cinematic masterpiece. How about that hug?"

Andi giggled, leaning foward and throwing her arms around his shoulders. TJ inhaled sharply, still not quite used to the feeling, and put his arms around her in return.

Hugging Andi, he noticed, was much different than Cyrus; Cyrus had more of a comforting, steady presence, like the allure of an old bookstore or sitting by a fireplace, while Andi's hugs were full of sunshine. Her breath tickled TJ's skin, and she smelled slightly of flowers and something that was vaguely akin to glitter glue.

"You know, for a scary basketball guy, you're suprisingly sweet, Kippen."

TJ laughed, resting his chin on top of Andi's head. "I try my best."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been neglecting my girl Andi in this story for far too long, so I wrote a nice scene with the two of them. TJ deserves all the hugs please and thank you
> 
> Any thoughts about what should happen next? Please comment!


End file.
